Excellent! NATO Bows to My Superior Intellect and Demands, Smithers!

A Standing Ovation for Yours Truly

Bah! This 'news' is hardly news at all. It's merely the world catching up to my profound wisdom. This Rutte fellow apparently the head of some North Atlantic… thingy… has finally recognized the dire need for these countries to empty their coffers into the gaping maw of the military industrial complex. 5% of GDP! Excellent! As if I didn't know they'd come crawling back to me. My power grows like my fortune large and mighty!

Rutte's Gushing Adoration: Sickening Yet Satisfying

This Rutte… he 'praises' me does he? Calls me a 'man of strength and peace'? The sycophancy is nauseating. Although...there's a certain charm to being adored. Smithers remind me to send him a fruit basket. Perhaps one with slightly overripe fruit just to keep him on his toes. He compares me to a 'daddy'? That's the last time I will use that phrase I'm never having children!

Daddy Issues? Nonsense!

Some journalist a 'Sky News' busybody dares to question Rutte's… 'flattery'? As if genuine respect for true power is somehow demeaning. Honestly these modern journalists they're all alike thick as a whale omelet twice as smelly. Would they rather I let Iran become nuclear? Of course not. If there is anyone with 'Daddy Issues' it's the people still living with their parents in their 30's.

Predictable? I Should Hope So!

Predictable am I? Of course! Predictable in my genius predictable in my insatiable lust for power predictable in my unwavering commitment to lining my pockets with the tears of the working class. The only unpredictable thing would be for these nations to actually pay up on their promises. I am a stable genius and I do say so myself!

Article 5? Merely a Suggestion!

Article 5 you say? This 'mutual defense' silliness. Honestly the notion that I'd automatically defend these countries… preposterous! They need to prove their worthiness! Show me the money! Until then they can fend for themselves against those… what are they called? Oh yes those bears. And that means if you are weak and vulnerable the bears WILL attack!

Keeping Me Happy Is a Global Imperative

So this 5% pledge is about 'keeping me happy'? Well duh! What else would it be about? My happiness is directly proportional to the well being of the entire planet! And frankly 5% is a mere pittance. We'll get there soon enough though. My reign is everlasting and I make the rules. What did I say about music?!