BP's Brew: Less Profit, More Problems? A Witcher's Take

A Griffin Sighted in the Balance Sheets?

Hmph. Another day another monster to slay... or in this case a balance sheet to dissect. BP that behemoth of black gold apparently coughed up a slightly smaller treasure chest this quarter. 1.38 billion in underlying replacement cost profit – sounds like a complicated potion recipe gone wrong. Analysts those mages of the market expected 1.6 billion. Missed it by that much. Reminds me of the time I misjudged a Striga's strength. Not pleasant.

Strategic Reset? Sounds Like a Bad Potion

A strategic reset they call it. Sounds like someone tossed a grenade into the alchemical supplies. Apparently BP's been doing the Manticore mating dance with renewable energy but now they're doubling down on the crude oil and gas their "core business." CEO Murray Auchincloss claims a "great start." Likely about as truthful as a doppler trying to sell me information on a contract... Trust like gold is hard earned and easily lost.

Share Buybacks: Throwing Coin at a Djinn?

They're tossing 750 million into a share buyback. Sounds like throwing coin at a Djinn and hoping for good luck. Net debt also crept up to 26.97 billion from 22.99 billion from last quarter... Seems like they've got a Leshen in their accounts draining the lifeblood. I've seen villages in better financial shape after a dragon attack.

Elliott's Ire: A Witcher Contract on BP?

Activist investor Elliott Management they are called the hedge fund equivalent of a Griffin circling its prey. Seems they've taken a more than 5% stake making them second only to BlackRock. Seems Elliott Management are not happy and those kinds of people usually have a knack for hiring Witchers... I wonder if they need a professional?

Shareholder Rebellion: Even Peasants Have Pitchforks

And there's more! A good portion of shareholders 24.3% voted against re electing their outgoing Chair. That's practically a peasant revolt with pitchforks! A sign of deep discontent as if the market value wasn't bad enough. One must wonder if people are starting to notice their misdeeds.

Weathering the Storm or Just Hiding from it?

Auchincloss claims weaker oil prices won't derail their plans. "We have a balance of products...oil natural gas and refined products." He says. A balance? That's rich coming from an oil magnate. What if the wind changes? These corporate mages are as predictable as a toddler with a potion. Guess I better sharpen my silver sword. Seems there's a whole new breed of monster to hunt. Maybe I should start charging in Euros... inflation you know?