Wubba Lubba Dub-Dub! Oil Prices Do a Rick-Roll (Almost Blew Up the Planet Though)

The Usual Crap Show: Oil's Wild Ride

Alright Morty buckle up. So these freakin' oil futures right? They're doin' their usual dance. Up one percent today. ONE PERCENT! After almost causin' a freakin' interdimensional war. West Texas Intermediate or WTI whatever climbed 65 cents. Big whoop. It's like watchin' ants fight over a crumb of Szechuan sauce... before the whole world almost went kablooey.

Kaboom! (Almost): Iran Gets Nuked (Allegedly)

So apparently someone thought it was a bright idea to BOMB THREE NUCLEAR SITES IN IRAN! Over the weekend no less! Oil prices jumped to five month highs! Five months Morty! But don't get your hopes up for that sweet sweet dystopian profit. Remember what happened to Simple Rick? Don't get attached to any timeline.

Trump Saves the Day (Or Makes It Worse Who Knows?)

Then get this Trump that tangerine nightmare steps in right? Shoves Jerusalem and Tehran into a 'truce.' A freakin' truce! Like duct taping a black hole shut. And because of this the prices start falling on Monday and Tuesday. Look I've seen universes collapse over less Morty. A LOT less. This is basic causality Morty you should know this jeez.

Escalate to De Escalate? More Like Improvise to Survive!

Some egghead at RBC Capital Markets Helima Croft whatever says Trump executed an 'escalate to de escalate strategy.' That's just a fancy way of sayin' he yelled loud enough until everyone got scared and stopped. Classic Earth move. 'The worst appears over for now,' she says. Yeah right. Don't trust anyone Morty. Not even yourself. I mean what if I'm a simulation? Think about it!

Fragile Truce? More Like a House of Cards Built on a Landmine

This 'truce' is 'fragile,' they say. Fragile! It's held together by spit and wishful thinkin'. I've seen more stable situations in the Citadel of Ricks! Just wait Morty any second now some dipstick with a laser pointer is gonna poke the bear and we'll be right back where we started. Only this time it could involve sentient corn.

Wubba Lubba Dub Dub That's the Human Condition!

So yeah oil prices went up a little. Then they went down a little. The world almost ended. And Trump took credit. Business as usual Morty. Just another day in the infinite meaningless multiverse. Now where's my flask?