Holy Crap! Are They TAXING Our BOATS Now?!

Giggity Giggity Carbon Tax?

Alright alright alright! So I'm reading this thing about the United Nations wanting to tax the HECK outta ships! Apparently these boats are spewing more fumes than Quagmire after a date. Something about climate change and 'global carbon emissions.' Now I'm no scientist but if they start taxing ships what's next? Taxing my beer?! That's where I draw the line! You know like that time when Lois tried to make me eat kale? Oh that's right I burned the house down. Good times!

The World's First Emissions Levy? FREAKING SWEET!

So they're talking about a 'global emissions levy.' Sounds fancy right? Like something you'd order at a five star restaurant with Mort. But really it's just a tax. A BIG tax. Supposedly this will force those ship captains to stop using the stinky old fuels and start using something cleaner. I guess it's like when I tried to switch from beer to diet soda. Lasted about five minutes. And caused me to blackout and order 50 pizzas

Trade War?! More Like TRASH War!

Of course there's always someone trying to ruin the party! This Sara Edmonson lady from some mining company says everyone's worried about a 'global trade war.' Trade war? More like TRASH war! That's what my garage looks like after a weekend with the guys. But she also says this carbon tax could be a big deal. Like when I finally learned how to tie my shoes after 40 years! (Almost.)

Levy Schm evy It's All About the MONEY!

Now they're trying to avoid using the word 'levy' because it scares some people. Apparently countries like the U.S. Australia and even China are throwing a hissy fit. It's like when Lois tries to suggest we 'budget our finances,' or go to marriage counseling or go to a doctor. Good grief! I think all these 'good suggestions' need to take a hike!

Vanuatu vs. The World? Sounds Like a Pay Per View EVENT!

So the little island countries are all for this tax while the big boys like Brazil and Saudi Arabia are whining about 'economic competitiveness.' Economic competitiveness? Is that like when Quagmire tries to compete with me for Lois's attention? Giggity! Either way they should all just 'shut up' like when Brian lectures me about 'Responsibility'.

Decarbonize This! You Should Decarbonize EVERYTHING!

Some fancy pants from the Environmental Defense Fund wants a 'decisive' economic measure and a 'global fuel standard.' Sounds like a complicated way of saying 'Stop polluting ya dinguses!' You know it's just like when Lois tells me to take out the trash. I always forget! But hey maybe if they tax these ships enough they'll finally get their act together. Or maybe they'll just pass the cost onto us the consumers! Either way someone needs to fix this faster than Petercopter can crash into a tree.