Release the Hounds...of Oil! Trump Orders Price Control or Face My Wrath!

Excellent! A Mandate From On High!

Bah! President Trump is it? A mere blip on the radar compared to my reign of Springfield! Nevertheless his proclamation has reached these ancient ears and I C. Montgomery Burns find myself strangely aligned with his sentiments. "EVERYONE KEEP OIL PRICES DOWN. I'M WATCHING! YOU'RE PLAYING RIGHT INTO THE HANDS OF THE ENEMY. DON'T DO IT!" he bellowed. Excellent! Precisely the sort of decisive action I'd expect...from myself! Though his methods lack a certain... finesse. Release the hounds? No. Release the lawyers! That's how we do things at Burns Industries eh Smithers?

The Market's a Fickle Beast Smithers!

This "oil market" seems quite perturbed. U.S. crude oil down 75 cents? Brent falling 73 cents? A pittance! Back in my day a penny was worth a nickel and we liked it that way! But I digress. This all stems predictably from international tomfoolery and the unfortunate though perhaps necessary bombing of Iran's... 'nuclear sites.' A minor setback really. Though I do hope they weren't using my patented 'nuclear goo' – it's rather temperamental.

Drill Baby Drill! Or Else!

Trump in his infinite (and often misguided) wisdom barks "To The Department of Energy: DRILL BABY DRILL!!! And I mean NOW!!!" A sentiment I wholeheartedly endorse! Though the Department of Energy does not actually 'drill,' apparently. A minor detail. It's the spirit that counts! Smithers remind me to look into acquiring the Department of Energy. It sounds like a lucrative venture ripe for exploitation... I mean 'efficiency improvements.'

Who's the Enemy?

This talk of "the enemy" is rather vague. Is it those pesky environmentalists protesting my power plant? Or perhaps those union goons demanding a living wage? Or could it be my arch nemesis that blasted Simpson fellow? The possibilities are endless! Regardless keeping oil prices down is a sound strategy. A low price means a content populace and a content populace is less likely to revolt...or realize they're being systematically exploited. Heh heh heh...

A Glimmer of Opportunity

The market's initial reaction to the attacks was rather...enthusiastic. Brent crude jumping more than 5%? Splendid! A brief moment of chaos before the inevitable return to normalcy. Now if only I had invested more heavily in oil futures... Missed opportunities Smithers missed opportunities! Remind me to fire my broker.

Excellent...For Me!

Ultimately this is all rather simple. Keep oil prices low maintain control and ensure the steady flow of profits into the Burns Industries coffers. If a few international incidents and presidential pronouncements are necessary to achieve this then so be it! As I always say “I’m an old man who’s afraid of everything especially coloreds and people who haven't drunk their coffee!” Now Smithers prepare the hounds. It's time to...motivate...the oil industry.