Excellent! Oil Prices Soar Thanks to Middle East Mayhem! Smithers, Fetch My Monocle!

A Calculated Investment Opportunity

Good heavens what splendid news! It appears that those rascals in the Middle East have decided to engage in a spot of... well what Smithers would call a 'geopolitical kerfuffle.' As if I needed another reason to break out the brandy! Israel in a move I can only describe as 'efficiently maximizing shareholder value,' launched airstrikes against Iran. The result? Oil prices jumped higher than a frightened chihuahua. Excellent!

Foolproof! From Nuclear to Net Profit!

Prime Minister Netanyahu – a chap who clearly understands the value of a good old fashioned targeted military operation – assures us that this 'necessary action' was aimed at Iran's nuclear program. Well isn't that special? While they're at it perhaps they could target those pesky environmental regulations that keep my power plant from achieving its full glorious potential. "Release the hounds!" ...On opportunity that is!

Trump's Missed Opportunity (My Gain!)

Ah yes that tangerine tornado Trump. He's blustering about missed deals and 60 day deadlines. Honestly the man's a buffoon. If I had my way I’d send him back to the casino business. But I digress! The important thing is his failure to 'make a deal' is now my potential for… wealth! Excellent!

The Strait of Hormuz: A Chokepoint of Opportunity

This Strait of Hormuz you see is where one fifth of the world's oil sloshes through. Should it get blocked? Well let's just say my stock portfolio would be looking healthier than a newborn puppy. Ellen Wald seems to believe China would intervene. Bah! Just a blip on the radar. Now Smithers remind me to invest heavily in companies that build those big oil tanker things.

Bah! Short Sighted Fears!

Some dullards are saying this isn't as bad as when Russia invaded Ukraine. What utter poppycock! Every crisis every war every societal upheaval is an opportunity! A chance to squeeze a little more profit out of this miserable planet. As I always say "Are you saying boo or boo urns?" I'm saying buy! Buy! Buy!

Smithers Prepare the Limousine!

So there you have it. The Middle East is aflame oil prices are soaring and your benevolent benefactor C. Montgomery Burns stands to make a killing. Smithers prepare the limousine! We're off to Wall Street! "Release the hounds!"... on my competitors' wallets!