Crude Awakening! Trump Saves My Bottom Line (and Maybe Yours?)

Excellent! Another Day Another Dollar (Million)

Bah! Another day dawns and I find myself still burdened with the responsibility of managing my vast incomprehensible wealth. These young whippersnappers on Wall Street are as predictable as Smithers's affections for me. Apparently the price of crude oil has shall we say 'risen.' Up a whole 1.46 percent! At this rate I might be able to afford another diamond encrusted thimble. And it's all thanks to that Trump fellow who apparently decided to be nice to China for now anyway.

A Tariff Pause? Is This Some Sort of Commie Plot?

President Trump bless his orange hide has granted a temporary reprieve from his draconian tariffs on those infernal tech devices. Smartphones computers... things I neither understand nor care to operate myself. My thoughts exactly. It appears even he has limits to how much he is willing to squeeze blood from a stone and let us not forget I have experience in that field which the current state of labor relations at the plant can attest to. But these temporary pauses raise suspicions. Perhaps this is some sort of elaborate communist plot. Smithers prepare the hounds!

Iran So Far Away Yet So Annoying

Now this is where things get interesting. The Energy Secretary a man I shall have to invite to my club someday for a round of brandy and a bit of casual union busting mentioned the possibility of stopping Iran's oil exports. Excellent! Starving them of all commerce would be just the ticket to line my pockets even further. Of course that also brings the risk of another war. War... Hmm war... It's always good for business. As I always say war is the pursuit of peace with a weapon and my weapon of choice is always a money bag.

Recession? Nonsense! More Opportunity for Me!

A recession they say? Poppycock! A mere blip on the radar for someone of my stature. Recessions are simply opportunities for the truly wealthy to consolidate their power. As long as I have Smithers to juggle my assets and stave off any union uprisings I'll be just fine. In fact a bit of economic turmoil is precisely what I need to acquire more... *assets.*

Goldman Sachs? More Like Goldman Sacks!

And speaking of these Goldman Sachs people predicting oil prices like soothsayers. $59 and $63 a barrel they say? How quaint. I would be careful what you say. As I always say don't start vast projects with half vast ideas. My pockets are deeper than their predictions are accurate. They are predicting doom and gloom. Pish posh as long as the wheels are turning my nuclear plant will be there chugging away.

Release the Hounds! And Maybe Smithers Too!

In conclusion while the world may be teetering on the brink of economic chaos I C. Montgomery Burns remain confident in my ability to come out on top. I feel like a billionaire stuffed in a pauper's shirt. And while these geopolitical machinations continue I shall continue to count my money scheme new ways to exploit my workers and perhaps just perhaps finally rid myself of that infernal Simpson family. Smithers release the hounds! And fetch me my afternoon nap. This world domination thing is tiring.