Crude Awakening! Trump's Tariff Truce Sends Oil Prices Soaring!

Hail to the King Baby: Trump's Tariff Time Out

Alright you primitive screwheads listen up! Looks like the Donald just dropped a bomb and it ain't nuclear… yet. He's put a 90 day pause on some tariffs and BAM! Oil prices went higher than a politician's promises. U.S. crude jumped 3.3% hitting $61.52 a barrel. Brent crude? Same deal soaring to $64.91. I love the smell of victory in the morning...smells like...gasoline?

China's Got a Gun: Trade War Tango

But hold your horses boys and girls! Earlier Beijing decided to unload a tariff bazooka of 84% on U.S. goods. 'Come get some!' they said. That sent oil prices plummeting faster than a hooker out of a church. We even saw an intraday low of $55.12 earlier. Looks like someone forgot to pay their respect and now they will pay the price.

OPEC's Overload: Too Much of a Good Thing?

Meanwhile those OPEC+ jokers decided to pump more oil in May. More oil in a market already swimming in it? Seems like they're trying to flood the world with the black stuff like they're saying 'groovie'. Recession fears and a growing oil supply? That's what some egghead called a 'toxic cocktail.' Well I prefer mine with a little more kick thank you very much.

Iran So Far Away: Nuclear Negotiations Loom

And if that wasn't enough chaos the U.S. and Iran are set to yap about Iran's nuclear program. If they strike a deal expect more Iranian oil flooding the market. 'Great more problems,' I can say. This is worse than being a cheerleader at a Star Trek convention.

Shake It Baby! Price Swings and Rollercoasters

So what's the bottom line? Oil prices are doing the cha cha going up and down faster than a stripper on payday. 'I'm gonna get you,' oil market traders are shouting at each other 'one way or another!'

Time to Kick Ass and Chew Bubblegum...and I'm All Out of Bubblegum: Duke's Take

Looks like the world is a freakin' mess but hey that's just my opinion. I'd advise everyone to strap in buy low sell high and remember: 'Sometimes even I get the feeling I'm being used'. Now if you'll excuse me I've got some alien scum to vaporize. Hail to the king baby!