Say Hello to My Little Tariff! Trump's Trade War Goes Ballistic!

First You Get the Money Then You Get the Power Then You Get the Tariffs!

Listen up you punks! This broad Erica York some egghead at the Tax Foundation is talkin' 'bout Trump's tariffs on China. She's sayin' if they go over 100% it's like cuttin' off trade. You hear that? Cuttin' it off! Like when I cut off Sosa only this time it's with paperwork not a chainsaw see? But don't get me wrong paperwork can be as lethal as any blade.

The Market? A Bunch of Chickens!

The market's already freakin' out like a bunch of chickens with their heads cut off. A White House goon spilled the beans that the tariff rate on Chinese goods is now 145%! 145 you hear me? That's like snortin' a mountain of coke! They jacked it up from 84% to 125% plus some extra for fentanyl. Fentanyl huh? Now that's some serious business.

No Clarity Until July? That's a Long Wait for a Deal!

This York dame says the market's not out of the woods yet see? No clarity 'til July. July! That's like waitin' for the next shipment and you're strung out on nothin' but promises. Trump's givin' everyone else a break droppin' tariffs to 10% for 90 days but China? They're gettin' the Montana Special a one way ticket to Tariff City!

Trump's Protectionism: More Old School Than My Linen Suit!

Even with this pause Trump's got us in the most protectionist stance since the 1940s. 1940s! That's before I was even born you know? This York broad says it's gonna jack up costs and hurt the economy. Says it ain't settin' us on a good path. Well tell me somethin' I don't know! It's always the same: more paperwork more taxes more problems. I'm surrounded by enemies.

Biggest Tax Hike Since '93? Say Hello to My Little Tariff!

The Tax Foundation—more eggheads!—figures Trump's tariffs will rake in $171.6 billion this year. That makes it the biggest tax hike since '93. Bigger than Bush bigger than Obama. Trump's really makin' a splash like droppin' a bomb in a bathtub. Say hello to my little tariff!

China Ain't Goin' Down Without a Fight!

But China they ain't flinchin' see? They're sayin' they'll go to war a trade war. Right before Trump announced his pause they jacked up tariffs on US imports to 84%. 84%! These guys are serious like when Manny Ribera wants his money. They're ready to play hardball. This is getting good now we can dance!