Trump's Tariffs! Are We All Gonna End Up Eating Gruel?!

Holy Crap Lois More Tariffs?!

Alright so apparently this Trump guy and I know nothing about him is slapping tariffs on everything. Goldman Sachs who I think are the guys who keep sending me those emails about 'exciting investment opportunities' (which are probably just Nigerian princes am I right?) are saying this is bad. Like 'end of the world as we know it' bad. Remember that time Stewie tried to destroy the world? I think this might be worse.

Inflation: Making My Beer More Expensive Since... Well Since Forever!

These fancy pants economists are saying inflation is gonna go up. What does that mean for us regular Joes? Well it means my precious Pawtucket Patriot Ale is gonna cost more! I swear if I have to choose between paying my mortgage and enjoying a cold one I'm pitching a tent in the backyard! Brian's got fleas anyway. It's not like I'm gonna start drinking wine like Quagmire. Giggity giggity no way!

Unemployment: Time to Polish the Ol' Resume Eh?

And if that wasn't bad enough they're saying unemployment is going up! That means more people looking for work and less work to go around. Looks like I might have to dust off my resume. Let's see... 'Expert in falling down stairs,' 'Proficient in burping the alphabet'... yeah I'm doomed. Maybe I can get a job at the Drunken Clam. At least I'm qualified to be a patron!

Recession! Is That Like a Really Bad Vacation?

They're even talking about a recession! It's like when the power goes out and you gotta play board games by candlelight. Except instead of Monopoly it's 'Survive Until Next Paycheck.' Great I need a drink. Joe! Get me a refill and make it a double. These tariffs are making me sweat more than when I was trying to explain to Lois why I bought a solid gold toilet.

Stagflation? Sounds Like a Messy Night at the Clam!

Now they're throwing around terms like 'stagflation'. Sounds like something you catch after a really wild bachelor party. Apparently it means low growth and high inflation at the same time. So basically we're screwed. Remember that time I tried to start my own country? Maybe I should revisit that idea. We could call it 'Petoria 2.0: No Tariffs Just Tiaras!'

Rate Cuts: Can We Cut the Crap Already?

But wait! There's hope! Goldman Sachs says the Federal Reserve might cut interest rates. Which is according to Stewie 'marginally better than being repeatedly bludgeoned with a rusty shovel.' So maybe just maybe we can avoid eating gruel for the next few years. But I'm still stocking up on beer just in case. You never know when you might need to trade a six pack for a loaf of bread. It's a dog eat dog world out there...except Brian he eats kibble. Giggity.