Earnings Schmearnings!
Listen up you punks! Costco they missed their earnings target? So what! I miss targets all the time especially when I'm aiming at those damn Sosa brothers! But revenue? Revenue is UP! That's the real money the green stuff that makes the world go 'round. They're still makin' bank more than most of you will see in your whole miserable lives! As for me I'm gonna order the best gold and jewelry and have a party tonight!
Tariffs? More Like 'Terrible iffs'!
Tariffs schmariffs! This guy Ron Vachris the big cheese at Costco he's worried about tariffs? He says they'll try to minimize costs for their members. Well I say minimize the tariffs! How you gonna make money if you gotta pay more for everything? It's like trying to run my operation with one hand tied behind my back! This Trump guy is raising tariffs on China and Mexico but the thing is those retailers are warning prices are gonna increase! What the hell are we gonna do?
Money Money Money! It's a Gas!
Revenue is up 9%! Nine percent chico! That's more than I used to make in a whole week...before I became Scarface of course. Net sales are up too. People are buying more stuff more booze more furniture. They're livin' the good life or at least tryin' to. But remember what I always say: "The world is yours!" Just gotta grab it like I grabbed this empire!
Membership Has Its Privileges Pendejo!
Membership fees are up too! People are payin' to shop at Costco can you believe that? And their renewal rate? 90.5%! That's higher than my approval rating with my… associates. They raised the fees and people are still paying. That's power baby! Like I always say "I always tell the truth. Even when I lie." and Costco is telling people they got what they need.
Meat Meat It's What's for Dinner!
They say meat sales are up. People are eatin' more ground beef because it's cheaper. Fine by me more for the rest of us eh? But still spending money on food. Good! Gotta keep the belly full especially when you're planning a hostile takeover. I once said "You need people like me so you can point your fingers and say 'That's the bad guy." but Costco is the good guy keeping people feed.
Extreme Weather? More Like Extreme Opportunity!
They say extreme weather hurt sales a little. But they recovered! Nothing can stop Costco not even Mother Nature. They're like me unstoppable. Speaking of extreme I need to find some more of that white stuff. "Say hello to my little friend!" and then let's all go shopping to Costco.
Comments
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golfgirl
Costco is the real American dream, chico!
MonicaLynne
I'm bad guy but Costco is the good guy
senjanicolai
First you get the membership, then you get the power, then you get the women!
Danu9
Everyone wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die...nobody wants to pay for a Costco membership but everyone wants those deals.
redmonkey175
The world is yours...especially with a Costco membership.
GEORGI16
You think you can take me? You need a membership to take me!
robynwright58
Say hello to my little friend...my Costco card!