Holy Crap Lois! Aramco's Wallet Took a Beating!

Giggity Giggity: Numbers Are Down!

Alright folks Peter Griffin here your friendly neighborhood news analyst (and beer enthusiast). So I was reading this thing about Saudi Aramco – you know the fellas who bring us that sweet sweet gasoline. Turns out their pockets aren't as full as they used to be. Their net profit went down 5%! That's like five whole beers I could have bought! Lois get the checkbook! Apparently they made a measly $26 billion this quarter. It's still a lot of money but in comparison to last year the numbers are down! Down I tell you!

Freakin' Sweet Cash Flow... Or Not!

Now don't go crying into your clam chowder just yet. They still have $19.2 billion in free cash flow. It's like finding a twenty in your old pants only you know a billion times bigger. But hold on! Last year it was even more like $22.8 billion! It’s like that time I found a winning lottery ticket but then Stewie vaporized it with his laser gun. Bummer!

Uh Oh! The Economy Is Like That Time I Tried to Fix the Sink!

The article says something about 'continuing strain' and 'global demand slowing.' Sounds serious! Like that time I tried to fix the sink and flooded the whole house. Remember that Lois? Good times! Anyway this slow demand is probably why the numbers are down. I swear the world economy is more volatile than Meg's social life.

Dividends? More Like Divide ends!

Okay so they slashed their performance linked dividend payout to a measly $200 million. $200 million...That's like what two yachts? Last quarter it was $10.2 billion! What the deuce?! But don't worry they’re still giving out $21.1 billion for the base dividend. It's like when I try to diet but still eat a whole bucket of fried chicken. At least they still have some money to give away right? Lois? Right?!

Breaking News or Breaking My Heart?

The article says 'Breaking News. Please refresh for updates.' Refresh? I'm already exhausted from thinking about all this money! It's enough to make a guy reach for a Pawtucket Patriot Ale. Maybe I should invest in this Aramco thing. Or maybe I should just stick to what I know: Eating drinking and making questionable life choices. Yeah that sounds about right. But hey at least I can still afford my beer... for now.

It rubs the lotion on its skin

So the Saudi's are down 5 percent but the analysts are saying it's still pretty good. I'm starting to get worried about our new house! It's a fixer upper but at the end of the day we have a mortgage and I'm not sure I'm doing my part to keep the roof over our heads.