Excellent! AMD's Profits Soar, But Those Pesky Export Controls!

A Most Acceptable Beginning

Bah! It seems even that upstart AMD is doing rather well. They reported first fiscal quarter earnings that exceeded expectations. Good for them... I suppose. Revenue of $7.44 billion? Preposterous! Back in my day a billion was a *real* fortune not some trinket tossed around by silicon peddlers. Still a profit is a profit and profit is...excellent. Shares rose then fell… like my spirits after Smithers serves me lukewarm prune juice.

Su's Shenanigans

That Lisa Su the CEO... a woman no less! She claims the company achieved these 'results' despite regulations on AI chip exports. Humbug! These are just excuses to justify why their numbers aren't even HIGHER. "While we face some headwinds..." she says. Headwinds? I'll show her headwinds! I once diverted an iceberg with a well placed cough. Now THAT'S handling a headwind.

The China Conundrum

Export controls you say? Limiting their ability to sell shiny toys to the Chinese? Oh the humanity! As if I don't have enough problems trying to avoid paying taxes on my nuclear power plant! They're forecasting $700 million in lost revenue this quarter. A paltry sum! I lose that much in loose change down the back of my sofa!

Data Centers and Dollars

Data centers AI GPUs... it all sounds frightfully modern. Apparently these chips are the bee's knees for training those infernal AI programs. AMD's data center segment brought in $3.7 billion. Good heavens! They're even competing with that Nvidia company for "big GPUs." Competition? Unacceptable! There's only room for ONE titan in this arena and that's Charles Montgomery Burns!

Gaming and Gripes

Now the part I understand even less: gaming. Something about chips for laptops and game consoles. Sales in that area are up but apparently console gaming is down. Who cares? As long as they keep churning out those little electronic widgets I suppose it's all the same in the end. I prefer a good game of checkers...or perhaps a nice fox hunt but they seem to be quite frowned upon these days.

Burns's Bitter Endorsement

In conclusion AMD is doing... adequately. They are still not in my league of course. But I suppose they provide a service. Just so long as they don't get any ideas about challenging my position as the undisputed lord of Springfield they can carry on. Smithers remind me to look into acquiring a controlling share in this AMD... just in case. Release the hounds!