Snap's Pants Down! Uncertainty Bites Back!

Shake It Baby! Snap's Stock Takes a Dive

Looks like someone forgot to pay their respects! Snap the company behind the disappearing pics saw its shares take a serious pounding. They dropped more than 15% faster than my one liners after a shotgun blast. Why? They're playing coy with their second quarter guidance blaming the big bad "uncertain macroeconomic environment." What a bunch of wimps! I've seen tougher times fighting aliens with nothing but a pistol and a dream.

Hail to the King Baby! But Not So Much for Snap's Revenue

Topline revenue is growing? Big whoop. Even I can rack up numbers blowing away Pig Cops. They're experiencing headwinds blah blah blah. Sounds like a load of bullcrap to me. They're balancing investment with revenue growth? That's just corporate speak for "We're scared and we don't know what to do!" Macro conditions impacting advertising demand? Maybe they need a better marketing strategy... like oh I don't know hiring Duke Nukem as their brand ambassador! Now THAT would get some attention.

De Minimis? More Like De Minimum Effort!

Their finance chief some guy named Derek Andersen is whining about the de minimis exemption ending. Apparently this loophole let shipments under $800 enter the U.S. duty free. Boo hoo! Trump's tariff plans are giving them the jitters? Come on! A little uncertainty never hurt anyone... well except maybe those aliens I vaporized. But hey that was for the good of mankind... and my ego.

Groovy! A Little Growth Ain't Enough

Okay okay so ad revenues grew 9% to $1.21 billion. And revenue overall grew 14% to $1.36 billion. Fine whatever. Even a broken clock is right twice a day. But they're still holding back on guidance? Sounds like they're hiding something. Maybe they're secretly working on a time machine to go back and prevent this whole mess. If they succeed tell them to give me a call I got some aliens to kick in the nuts all over again.

Damn I'm Good! Even When Snap Isn't

Their loss narrowed? Good for them. They're shedding costs related to a restructuring? Maybe they should restructure their entire business model. Daily active users are up? Monthly active users are up even more? Who cares! Numbers are just numbers. What matters is blowing stuff up and looking good doing it. And let's be honest I'm the only one who truly excels at that.

What Are You Waiting For? Time to Buy the Dip?

Wall Street's all in a tizzy. Price targets are getting adjusted. Some Bank of America dude says Snap is pressured more than its peers. So what? That just means there's more opportunity to kick some ass and take some names! Other social media companies are also seeing red? Serves 'em right! They should all learn a lesson from the King: Stay cool stay focused and always have a one liner ready. Now if you excuse me I got some bubblegum to chew... and some aliens to obliterate!