Dodge the Doompost: Asmongold's Guide to Stonks That Don't Suck (Probably)

Middle East? More Like Middle Earth! What's Going On?

Alright alright settle down chat! I know the market's lookin' like a dumpster fire thanks to well everything. Middle East inflation that weird noise my PC is making – it's all bad. But as I always say 'Sometimes you just gotta...deal with it!' And dealing with it means figuring out where to put your hard earned cash so it doesn't vanish into the abyss. This article bless its soul is trying to point us in the right direction. The key is ignoring the short term noise which let's be honest is 90% of what we talk about on stream. Solid growth? That's the name of the game baby. The Street's top pros are supposedly favoring these three companies. So we're gonna take a peek at these supposed 'pros' and take a look at what they are pushing.

Chewy: Is This the Cat's Meow or a Furry Fiasco?

First up we got Chewy (CHWY). Now I love my cats they are the real champions. But buying stock in a pet supply company? Hmmm. Apparently they had a decent quarter but free cash flow is down. That's a yikes from me dawg. But JPMorgan's analyst some dude named Doug Anmuth is still bullish. He thinks the sell off was overdone. He thinks the company is capturing shares growing customers and increasing profitability. He thinks 'industry trends would be a tailwind'. Alright Doug chill with the buzzwords! But hey if the cat food biz is booming who am I to judge? I mean my cats eat better than I do. I mostly just eat canned tuna cause you know that's the life!

Pinterest: Can You PINS Your Hopes on This One?

Next up Pinterest (PINS). Okay I know what you're thinking: 'Asmongold that's just for girls planning weddings!' And you're not entirely wrong! But they partnered with Instacart so now you can buy stuff directly from Pinterest ads. Interesting... Bank of America's analyst Justin Post (lol the 'post') is all in. He thinks advertisers can target Pinterest users based on their Instacart purchases. So basically they're tracking your food cravings. Sneaky sneaky! But hey if it makes money it makes sense. And the 'closed loop measurement' thing sounds fancy. This is probably something I would ask Rich Campbell about but that's just me. The analyst thinks the partnership could drive incremental ad spend by consumer packaged goods. If it works that's pretty legit.

Uber: Riding High or About to Crash and Burn?

Finally we have Uber (UBER). Okay this one I kind of get. Everyone uses Uber right? Stifel analyst Mark Kelley (no relation to the Littlefinger actor) initiated a buy rating. He thinks of Uber as a 'super app' offering commuting food delivery and more. Now the big question is: what about self driving cars? Kelley says they're not a threat in the near to medium term. Too many hurdles. Thank god I don't trust robots to drive me anywhere. The man is optimistic that Uber is well positioned to meet or surpass the financial targets set in 2024. He expects gross bookings growth of 16% each in 2025 and 2026. I mean that is a lot. He expects initiatives like Uber One and increased supply to boost Delivery bookings ahead. Sounds good to me.

Analyst Rankings: Who Are These Guys?

So these analysts... who are they? Apparently TipRanks ranks them based on their past performance. Doug Anmuth from JPMorgan is ranked #42 out of over 9,600. Not bad! Justin Post from Bank of America is #23. Even better! And Mark Kelley from Stifel is #119. Not too shabby. But remember past performance doesn't guarantee future results. Always do your own research kids! Or you know just listen to me. That's basically the same thing.

The Bottom Line: Don't Be a Dumbass

Look I'm not a financial advisor. I just play one on the internet. But here's the deal: the market's a scary place right now. These stocks might be good bets but there are no guarantees. So don't go yoloing your life savings into Chewy just because some guy on Wall Street said so. Do your own research diversify your portfolio and for the love of God don't panic sell! And remember the most important investment you can make is in yourself. Now if you'll excuse me I need to go yell at some pixels.