Wubba Lubba Dub-Dub! America Drowning in Millionaires (and Soon, Probably, Space Squids)

America: Still the Land of Opportunity (If You Ignore the Existential Dread)

Alright Morty listen up. Some Swiss nerds at UBS just dropped a report saying the U.S. is still drowning in millionaires – 23.8 MILLION of 'em Morty! Apparently we minted 379,000 new ones last year. That's like a thousand a day! I've seen planets with less intelligent life running more efficiently. But hey who am I to judge? I'm just a genius who can travel through dimensions not a financial advisor. Although maybe I *should* start a financial advice business. Call it 'Rick's Risky Investments'. I'll get rich quick Morty!

China's Coming for the Crown (But Probably Just Wants Your Schwanzstück)

Now China's trailing behind with a measly 6.3 million millionaires. 'Oh no Rick are we doomed?' *Burp* Calm down Morty! It's just money. Besides they're probably all just CCP officials hoarding cash anyway. And Turkey? They had the biggest percentage jump! Maybe I should invest in Turkish delight futures. Who knows? The universe is chaos Morty. Embrace it. Or you know just keep watching TV. Whatever.

Trump's Trade War: The Gift That Keeps On Giving (Agony)

Now things got a little *burp* dicey in the first half of 2025. Apparently some orange faced bozo's trade war and recession fears shook things up. The dollar took a nosedive – down 9%! Nine percent Morty! I’ve seen lower approval ratings on planets ruled by sentient corn cobs! But don't worry some UBS egghead says real estate's holding steady. And stocks might *might* end the year slightly higher. Probably just wishful thinking from some intern if you ask me.

Real Estate: The Only Constant (Besides My Drinking)

This Mazeau guy – some economist apparently – says it's too early to panic. The dollar might be in the toilet but American real estate is 'resilient'. Resilient Morty! Like a cockroach after a nuclear apocalypse! Or me after a night of heavy drinking and interdimensional travel. *Burp* Anyway he thinks the engines of growth aren't dead. Which is good because I need someone to fund my latest crazy invention. You know the one that turns squirrels into sentient weapons... for science!

Luxembourg and Switzerland: Where Everyone's Rich (Probably Boring Too)

So America has the most millionaires but Luxembourg and Switzerland have the highest *concentration* of wealth. One in seven adults in those places is a millionaire! Sounds boring Morty. All that wealth and probably no one's even invented interdimensional cable. Besides I bet they don't even have Szechuan sauce there. Pathetic.

Billionaires Behaving Badly (and Losing Money)

The billionaire count went up but Mazeau says there's high turnover. Billionaires lost wealth in a bunch of countries! HA! Serves 'em right. Greedy bastards. And get this Morty: the wealth is super concentrated at the top. A tiny fraction of billionaires control a huge chunk of the money. It's like a freaking simulation Morty. 'Oh but Rick what about the 'everyday millionaires'?' *Burp* They exist apparently. But who cares? They're not building spaceships or funding my research. Wake me up when they start inventing something useful.