Ram Trucks Goes Full 'Wubba Lubba Dub-Dub!' with Insane Warranty

Rambling Ramifications: A Schmuck's Guide

Alright listen up you beautiful idiots. Rick Sanchez here fresh from another dimension where cars run on concentrated dark matter and the warranties are… well let's just say they're 'interdimensional.' Now RAM Trucks those Stellantis schmucks are rolling out a 10 year/100,000 mile warranty on their 2026 lineup. Ten years! It's like they're trying to outlive *me* which let's be honest is statistically improbable. You should see the stuff I can survive. Anywaaay... This covers the engine transmission and all that other stuff that usually explodes on you right after the factory warranty expires. Clever. Very clever. Or maybe just stupid. Time will tell.

Financing Follies: Are You Being Fleeced?

So here's the deal: Tim Kuniskis some CEO meatbag from RAM says 85% of truck buyers finance for SEVEN YEARS OR MORE. Seven years! That's like an eternity in interdimensional time. Morty could have three different existential crises and still have time to watch *Ball Fondlers* before your loan is up. He's also trying to say people are keeping vehicles for 12 years which is just a blatant lie to trick you into purchasing their vehicles but 'nobody changed the warranty'…until NOW. They're investing more so they can invest more…genius. Anyway that's where this warranty comes in folks. It's like putting a band aid on a festering wound. A really really long band aid. Edmunds those number crunching nerds are saying long term car loans are skyrocketing. Shocker! People are broke and cars cost more than a portal gun these days. But hey at least your transmission won't explode... maybe.

The Turnaround Tango: Can Ram Dance?

Kuniskis – yeah I'm name dropping him again – thinks this warranty is gonna be a 'significant move.' He wants to keep the suckers – I mean loyal customers – coming back for more. And maybe snag some folks who jumped ship after their last RAM turned into a rust bucket after five years. 'Best truck warranty in the business,' he claims. Strong words buddy. Let's see if those trucks can actually *handle* ten years without dissolving into a pile of scrap metal and regret. I've seen better odds on a Jerryboree ticket believe you me.

Warranty Wars: Ford GM and the Toyota Threat

So Ford GM Toyota... the usual suspects. They're all sitting there with their puny five year warranties probably sweating harder than Morty trying to talk to Jessica. I am sure there are some diesel models that offer higher warranties but why go diesel these days? Anyway... Kuniskis is hinting that this 10 year deal might stick around if people don't choke on it. Translation: If enough of you morons buy RAM trucks they'll keep the gravy train rolling. You know what they say *'Wubba Lubba Dub Dub!'* which means 'I am in great pain please help me.' or does it…?

The Billion Dollar Gamble: Risk vs. Reward

Offering a warranty is a bit like playing Roy: A Life Well Lived. You think you know what's coming but BAM! Suddenly you're dying of cancer. Kuniskis is aware that this could cost Stellantis billions if their trucks are as reliable as a fart in a spacesuit. But he's betting the 'perceived value' will outweigh the risk. Smart? Maybe. Insane? Definitely. Also longer warranties might mean people hold onto their cars longer which means fewer sales. But hey that's a problem for future Kuniskis right? I've seen this before and I'll see it again.

The Fine Print: Exclusions and Electric Mayhem

Now pay attention because this is where the universe starts to get really screwy. This warranty is for the *original* owner of the 2026 RAM trucks and vans. That means no flipping it to your cousin for a quick buck Morty. And fleet purchases are OUT. Also the Ram Promaster electric van is excluded. Electric? More like *pathetic*. Honestly electric vehicles are just a temporary distraction from the real solutions. This is as true as 'grass tastes bad.' Oh and Kia already does this? Who cares. Also don’t buy electric vehicles. They’re a bunch of garbage just so you know.