Holy Schnikes! Lilly's New Weight Loss Pill: The Schwifty Scoop You Need!

Wubba Lubba Dub Dub! Another Pill Another Problem?

Alright Morty listen up. Eli Lilly those corporate overlords are peddling a new pill Orforgli whatever that’s supposed to fight obesity and diabetes. Apparently some lab coats think shoving chemicals down your gullet is better than I don't know *exercise*? Classic Earth logic. They say it met its 'goals' in trials which probably means it didn’t turn anyone into a Cronenberg so it's a win right? I mean come on Morty 'I'm sorry but your opinion means very little to me.' This whole thing smells like someone's trying to cash in on our pathetic human insecurities Morty Wubba Lubba Dub Dub!

Needle Free? More Like 'Needlessly Complicated'!

So it's a pill instead of a shot? Big whoop. They are trying to make it sound like the Second Coming of Science but Morty I’ve seen planets where they poop pure gold. A pill ain't exactly groundbreaking. What’s next Morty a suppository that cures existential dread? Don't answer that... And it's 'easier to manufacture?' Morty even *I* could probably whip up something in my garage that does the same thing and I mostly use that space for...uh...other stuff.

The Side Effects Are What Burp Really Get Me Morty!

Okay so some people are vomiting and having the runs. Groundbreaking! I always say Morty if a drug doesn’t make you question your life choices while simultaneously emptying your bowels it's probably not worth the shareholder value. These side effects are a feature not a bug Morty. Keeps you from eating more see? It's science Morty!

A1 What Now? Numbers That Nobody Cares About!

Hemoglobin A1c Morty. Sounds like something I’d find growing in my petri dish after a weekend Bender Morty! They say this pill lowers it but apparently not as much as some other stuff. Who cares? As long as the stock price goes up that's all that matters Morty. 'Sometimes science is more art than science Morty. A lot of people don't get that.' That is for all the investors out there.

Incretin Schm Incretin Morty! It's All Just Gut Feelings!

Apparently it mimics gut hormones. Mimics Morty! Like those cheap alien knock offs you find at Blips and Chitz. It suppresses appetite and regulates blood sugar. 'Great Rick but what does it do?' Morty it distracts you from the crushing weight of existence for a few hours. What more do you want? And don't worry it'll probably be available 'at scale.' Just what we need another mass produced solution to a problem mostly caused by mass consumption. Eat some of the right broccoli maybe Morty? Or if that is too crazy some of the wrong broccoli. I dont give a f.... burp.

The Race to the Bottom Morty! (Of Your Bank Account)

Everyone's racing to make these pills Morty which means the price will probably be astronomical even though it costs pennies to make. Capitalism Morty! It's a beautiful thing like watching a black hole swallow a planet. If they get the monopoly on this Morty GLP 1 market we are looking at more than $150 billion annually. Remember Morty 'Nobody exists on purpose nobody belongs anywhere everybody's gonna die. Come watch TV?'. 'Cause I am out of here...