Drones Deliver Ice Cream Now? The End is Nigh!

A Witcher's Work is Never Done (Especially When There's Ice Cream Involved)

Medallion's hummin' wind's howlin' and now… bloody drones buzzin' about? Roach nearly threw me when one of these contraptions whizzed past. Seems Zipline a company I reckon makes these mechanical birds is now flappin' its metallic wings over Dallas. Partnered with Walmart no less. They say you can get your order in 30 minutes. Thirty minutes! Back in my day gettin' a potion ingredient took three days a griffon's worth of sweat and a bard's terrible song. Progress eh?

P2 Zips: Not Exactly Griffins But Still… Annoying

These "P2 Zips," as they call 'em can carry eight pounds. Eight pounds! That's enough for a decent roast a few bottles of White Gull or… I suppose what passes for 'groceries' these days. They boast of "dinner plate level" accuracy. Dinner plate? I've seen drowners with better aim. Apparently they can handle winds up to 45 miles per hour. Good. Maybe they'll finally deliver that dandelion I need for Triss before it gets blown to hell.

How it Works: Magic or Just Clever Contraptions?

The drone hovers three hundred feet up – almost as high as me when I've had a few too many at the Seven Cats Inn – and drops a smaller drone with your package. Sounds like somethin' out of Vilgefortz's workshop if you ask me. Cameras sensors and Nvidia chips… it's all meant to avoid obstacles. Let's hope it can avoid Roach or there'll be hell to pay.

100 Million Miles? Roach Would Be Jealous

They claim these drones have flown over 100 million miles. 100 million! Roach would have keeled over after ten. Zipline says that's like 4,000 trips around the world. Or 200 lunar round trips. Impressive I suppose but can they slay a kikimore? Didn't think so.

From Vaccines to… Sweetgreen? What Is This World Coming To?

Zipline started deliverin' medicine which is respectable. Now it's doin' Sweetgreen and Chipotle. Gods the world's gone mad. Next thing you know they'll be deliverin' gwent cards and potions. And then where will I be? Probably still fightin' monsters because someone's gotta do the dirty work.

Trump Tariffs and… Drones?

Some politician called Trump is causin' a ruckus with tariffs. Zipline claims it won't affect 'em much since their drones are made in the US. Good for them. Maybe they can start deliverin' some common sense to politics while they're at it. Now if you'll excuse me I hear a nekker nest needs dealin' with. And perhaps a pint of ale afterwards.