Trump's Auto Tariffs Unleash Carnage! Are Your Car Prices About to Explode?

Hail to the Tariff Baby!

Alright you primitive screwheads listen up! Duke Nukem here ready to drop some truth bombs about these new auto tariffs. Trump's slapping 25% tariffs on foreign auto imports huh? Sounds like someone's trying to play hardball. But guess what? Carmakers ain't taking it lying down. They're raisin' prices stoppin' production and even firin' folks. Looks like it's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum... and I'm all outta bubblegum!

Global Car Nage: The Aftermath

So what's the damage? Stocks are tankin' faster than my health bar when I'm surrounded by those alien bastards. Stellantis (Jeep Dodge the whole shebang) got hammered down 7%! Volkswagen BMW Mercedes? All took a nosedive. China's gettin' in on the action too slapping tariffs right back at the U.S. starting April 10. It's a real global showdown and the only thing missin' is me with a rocket launcher!

Volkswagen's Mexican Stand Off

Volkswagen's gettin' sneaky adding import fees to their cars and haltin' all rail shipments from Mexico to the U.S. Talk about a buzzkill! Seems like Trump's tariffs are hittin' them harder than I hit those pig cops. VW says they're being 'transparent' with their dealers but I smell a cover up. They better have a good strategy or their asses are gonna be grass... and I'm the lawnmower!

Stellantis Stands Still (for Now)

Stellantis is straight up shutting down plants in Canada and Mexico layin' off nearly a thousand folks. That's rough even for me. But hey they're offering employee pricing to everyone in the U.S. Sounds desperate but who am I to judge? I've done crazier things to save my own skin like wearing that frilly dress in 'Duke Nukem Forever'. Never again.

Volvo's Victory Lap (Maybe)

Volvo's playing it smart. They're talkin' 'bout buildin' more cars in the U.S. and rampin' up production of their EX90 SUV. Smart move Volvo! But can they pull it off? Guess we'll see if they're all bark and no bite. Me? I'm all teeth and titanium grade testicles.

Ferrari's Pricey Prance

Ferrari's gettin' greedy raisin' prices by up to $50,000! Seriously? Talk about highway robbery. Meanwhile Hyundai's tryin' to be the good guy promising not to raise prices. But let's be honest in this game everyone's lookin' out for number one. Just like me... except I'm number one for a damn good reason!