Tesla's in Trouble? Elon Says 'Groovy!'... Or Does He?!

Earnings Schmearnings: Gimme the Numbers Baby!

Alright you primitive screwheads listen up! Tesla's about to drop its first quarter earnings report and Wall Street's got their calculators out. They're expecting around 39 cents per share and $21.11 billion in revenue. Not bad but not exactly 'hail to the king baby!' Either. They're expecting a small dip from last year. What do I care? I'm Duke Nukem I make my own revenue... if you know what I mean. And baby I've got plenty to go around.

Trouble in Paradise? Maybe Not Let's See.

The suits are sweating bullets because Tesla's stock is down 44% this year. Seems like everyone's got their panties in a bunch over tariffs and Elon Musk's bromance with... well let's just say certain political figures. Deliveries are down too about 13%. But Tesla's blaming it on factory upgrades for the new Model Y. 'Come get some!'... upgrades that is. I can't wait to see the look on those alien's faces when they get run over by one of those.

Musk's Pep Talk: 'Hang Onto Your Stock!'

Elon in true Elon fashion had an all hands meeting to calm the troops. He told everyone to 'hang onto your stock.' Easy for him to say he's got more money than God! He's talking up the Model Y robotics AI and self driving cars. Sounds like he's trying to distract everyone from the fact that things might be a little... 'shaky,' shall we say. I have seen shakier things in strip clubs and that's saying something.

Political Circus: The Sideshow We Didn't Ask For

Musk's been catching heat for his political views. According to him "If you read the news it feels like you know Armageddon... I can't walk past the TV without seeing a Tesla on fire." He even told everyone to 'stop being psycho!' Well that's one way to handle it. Personally I prefer blowing things up. It's a lot more therapeutic. But I guess not everyone can be Duke Nukem.

Tariff ic News: Uncle Sam Wants His Cut

Now here's where things get interesting. Trump's slapping tariffs on everything and Tesla's gonna feel the pinch. They make cars here so they're safe from the import tax. But they rely on parts from Mexico and China. Automotive glass circuit boards battery cells... all that good stuff. If these tariffs stick Tesla's gonna have to shell out some serious cash. Maybe they should just start building everything in America. 'Duh!' I'm pretty sure even I could have figured that out.

Duke's Advice: Kick Ass and Chew Bubblegum (and Maybe Buy Some Tesla Stock)

So what's the takeaway here? Tesla's facing some challenges but they're still Tesla. Musk is still Musk and I still have come to kick ass and chew bubble gum. Whether you should buy the stock or not is up to you pal. Just remember don't bet the farm. And if things get really hairy just remember what Duke would do: 'Hail to the king baby!' and keep your finger on the trigger. Now if you'll excuse me I've got some aliens to frag.