TRUMP VS WALMART: Tariff Tantrums and Retail Rumbles! Asmongold Reacts!

TARIFF WARS: The Saga Continues!

Alright alright settle down chat! Let's talk about this Trump vs. Walmart drama because you know I LOVE drama. So Trump's on Truth Social – still a thing apparently – blasting Walmart for saying they gotta raise prices because of these tariffs. Tariffs tariffs tariffs... it's always tariffs isn't it? It's like blaming the healers for your bad DPS man!

EAT THE TARIFFS: Trump's Bold Strategy

Trump in his infinite wisdom is telling Walmart and China to just 'EAT THE TARIFFS!' Like just chow down on 'em! I can see it now a bunch of CEOs sitting around a table trying to force feed themselves metal and paperwork. 'It's good for the economy!' they scream through mouthfuls of import duties. Honestly I’m not sure what’s more ridiculous: this whole situation or the fact that people still think Trickle Down Economics works...

Walmart's Whining: Are They Just Lazy?

Walmart's CFO is all 'We haven't seen price increases this fast before!' Cry me a river buddy! Welcome to the real world! Everyone’s out here getting shafted. Like have you seen the price of RTX 4090s? You think I can afford that with my bald guy budget? Get good Walmart! Find a loophole blame Biden do something other than whine.

Bellwether Blues: Walmart as Economic Barometer

They're calling Walmart a 'bellwether' for the economy. A bellwether! Sounds like some kind of fancy sheep with a bell. Well this bellwether is ringing a warning that things are gonna get more expensive. Which let's be honest we already knew. I mean have you tried buying groceries lately? My fridge is looking emptier than my hairline.

Absorbing the Pain: Who Pays the Price?

Walmart says they'll 'absorb' some of the costs. Sure Jan. They'll absorb it right into your wallet! They'll just make the portions smaller and the quality worse. Next thing you know the Great Value brand will be made out of recycled tires and disappointment. Just wait and see.

Retail Apocalypse Now?

So Microsoft's raising Xbox prices Mattel's moving production (but still raising prices) and Ford is jacking up car prices. It's a retail apocalypse I tell ya! We're all gonna be living in cardboard boxes playing free to play games on our phones and driving around in clown cars. This is the end folks! The End! (Just kidding... probably.)