Are Trump's Tariffs Making China Great Again? You Won't Believe What They're Up To!

Excellent! A New Ploy to Fleece the Americans!

Bah humbug! It appears those Communist chaps in Beijing are up to their old tricks. Instead of retaliating like a cornered badger against those… *ahem*… 'tariffs' imposed by that orange buffoon Trump they're trying to be all chummy chummy with American business executives. Courting them as the newspapers put it. I suspect they're attempting to fill their coffers using someone else's money in this case American. As if offering them tea and feeble chit chat will somehow sway them. Smithers remind me to double the security around the Nuclear Plant. Can't have any sneaky Chinese spies stealing our proprietary… uh… yellow.

Smithers Where's My Influence?

Apparently the Chinese have long sought foreign investment hoping that businesses can influence the White House! Preposterous! As if lobbying is some sort of novel concept. I should know I practically invented it. Smithers remind me to send a strongly worded letter to Premier Li Qiang informing him that my influence comes at a price. A very steep price involving rare antiquities and perhaps a small island nation. I’ll use it as my own personal golf course.

Any Type of War? Poppycock!

The article mentions the Chinese are prepared to fight 'any type of war'. Utter poppycock! While I do appreciate a good war especially one that doesn't directly involve me I suspect they're merely blustering. Remember when I tried to block out the sun? That was a real war! This tariff nonsense is mere child's play. Although Smithers do ensure we have adequate supplies of… uh… what do the kids call it? 'Kryptonite'. Yes that's it.

Trump Doing What Now? Making America Great? Ludicrous!

Stephen Roach blabbers on about Trump wanting to make America great. Hah! As if that clown could achieve anything of substance. Though I must admit those tariffs have caused a delightful bit of chaos. Uncertainty Roach calls it. I call it opportunity! Smithers find me a broker who specializes in exploiting global economic instability. I want to be swimming in liquid assets by tea time.

Reassurance? More Like Deception!

China is trying to send a message of 'reassurance'. Reassurance my foot! They are trying to trick the Americans into a false sense of security with empty promises. How about those tariffs in early April? It will cause great stress so much so that they will start coupling? Well I never! Smithers remind me to look up 'De Coupling' in the dictionary. I have a feeling that is quite naughty.

First Step to a Meeting? About Time!

Senator Steve Daines had the nerve to meet with that Li Qiang person. Perhaps he's looking for investment in his election campaign? Or maybe that's a 'first step' to a Xi Trump meeting. Frankly I don't care as long as neither leader starts making threats against my nuclear plant or my position as Springfield's richest resident. Smithers release the hounds. And by hounds I mean lawyers armed with cease and desist letters!