Hail to the King, Baby! CATL Stock Soars Higher Than My Jetpack!

Damn They Got Big Balls!

Alright listen up you primitive screwheads! Duke Nukem is here to drop some truth bombs about this CATL IPO. Seems like those battery boys over at Contemporary Amperex Technology are making bigger moves than I do on a Saturday night. Their stock jumped over 18% in Hong Kong and let me tell you that's more action than I've seen since... well since last Tuesday! Investors are lining up faster than chicks at a Duke Nukem convention all because they think CATL can ride the EV wave. And you know what? I think they're right. Hail to the king baby!

Shake It Baby! IPO Deets!

So here's the deal. CATL's IPO raised a whopping $4.6 billion. That's more cash than I've blown on cigars and shades combined! Apparently this makes it the biggest offering this year. Their shares are trading at 309 Hong Kong dollars which is way up from the initial 263. Even in mainland China where things started a little slow they're bouncing back. This Neil Beveridge guy from Bernstein says the demand is through the roof. I'd say 'Come get some!' But you know I'm more of a lead distributor not a stockbroker.

Gonna Build Something!

CATL is planning on using most of this cash to build a new factory in Hungary. Yeah Hungary! They wanna supply batteries to all those fancy European car companies like Stellantis BMW and Volkswagen. Smart move. Europe's hungry for EVs and CATL's about to feed 'em. Beveridge also pointed out that China is already saturated with EVs so Europe is the next big thing. Sounds like these guys are thinking bigger than my ego and that's saying something!

Nobody Steals Our Chicks...Or Our Trade!

Of course nothing's ever easy is it? CATL's getting some heat from the US and EU about unfair trade practices. They slapped some tariffs on Chinese EVs and the Pentagon even put CATL on a watchlist accusing them of having ties to the Chinese military. CATL says that's bull and honestly I'm inclined to believe 'em. But it could complicate things especially with Trump's tariffs. Still this Russo fella from Automobility thinks CATL's global ambitions will be fine as long as the restrictions are limited. CATL is focusing on Europe and other emerging markets anyway.

It's Time to Kick Ass and Chew Bubblegum!

CATL had a bit of a rough patch earlier this year with their annual revenue dropping almost 10%. Blame it on the competition in China's EV market. But don't worry they still made a net profit increase of 15%. And demand for EVs in China is soaring up 40% last year. So CATL's still in the game and they're about to kick some serious ass.

I'm All Out of Bubblegum!

Brendan Ahern from KraneShares calls CATL a 'must own company.' High praise even for a guy who probably wears a suit and tie. And Andy Maynard from China Renaissance says this IPO proves that investors still trust China to deliver the goods. So there you have it. CATL's stock is up their plans are big and they're ready to take on the world. Now if you'll excuse me I've got some aliens to frag. And maybe I'll invest in CATL... or just buy another rocket launcher. Decisions decisions...