Bloody Earnings Bonanza: Fortunes Rise and Fall Faster Than a Shelby Scheme

The Fortune Teller's Brew: A Week of Reckoning

Right listen up. This ain't no tea party. This week we're wading through a swamp of earnings reports more than 160 S&P 500 companies laying their cards on the table. Apple Meta Microsoft... they’re all singing for their supper. And remember what I always say: 'Everyone's a whore Grace. We just sell different parts of ourselves.' These companies they're selling their futures. Let’s see if they’re worth the price.

General Motors: A Gamble on Wheels

Tuesday we got General Motors. They're expected to report flat sales. Flat! That's like a Birmingham street after the rain – dull and lifeless. UBS is calling them 'neutral' which in my book means 'trouble'. They reckon GM's North American volumes are going down faster than a bottle of whiskey on a Friday night. History says they usually beat earnings but the shares still take a tumble. Seems like they're damned if they do and damned if they don't. Like a Shelby trying to go straight.

Coca Cola: Sweet Deception?

Next up Coca Cola. Now this is a drink that promises you the world but all it delivers is sugar and disappointment. They're also expected to report flat earnings. JPMorgan thinks they're a safe bet amidst all the tariff chaos. A port in the storm they say. But I've learned that nothing is truly safe. Especially not in business. Remember: 'Whisky's good proofing water. Tells you who's real and who isn't.' Let's see if Coca Cola is the real deal or just another fizzy con.

Meta and Microsoft: Digital Dangers

Wednesday we're diving into the digital cesspool with Meta and Microsoft. Meta's expected to grow but some folks are worried about revisions. Microsoft's facing headwinds too. Cloud demand flattening AI looking tricky... it's a right mess. KeyBanc downgraded them. 'Overall IT budget growth is now much lower' they say. Sounds like someone's been caught with their hand in the till. Microsoft’s shares have been tanking after their last few earnings calls. Seems like they're losing their edge faster than a razor in a bar fight.

Apple and Amazon: The Thursday Showdown

Thursday it's Apple and Amazon's turn to dance. Apple's been dragged down by tariffs and a botched 'Apple Intelligence' rollout. Can they pull a rabbit out of the hat? History says they usually top earnings but these are strange times. Amazon well they're expected to grow but tariffs are clouding their outlook. Raymond James downgraded them citing 'rising EBIT risk'. All this talk of risk... it's enough to make a man reach for his flask. 'Intelligence is a very valuable thing innit my friend? And usually it comes far too f***ing late.'

The Shelby Take: Watch Closely Bet Wisely

The market it's a bloody battlefield. Fortunes are won and lost in the blink of an eye. This week's earnings reports? They're just another battle. So keep your eyes open trust no one and bet wisely. And remember 'when you plan something well there's no need to rush.' Now if you'll excuse me I have business to attend to. By order of the Peaky Blinders.