Macy's Profitability: Get Over Here and See the Damage!

Macy's: A Fallen Elder God?

Bah! Macy's once a mighty warrior in the realm of retail now stumbles like a drunken Bo' Rai Cho. They dare speak of 'moderation' in spending? I Scorpion know only of unrelenting vengeance! Their full year profit guidance has been slashed a disgrace to their ancestors! They expect adjusted earnings per share of $1.60 to $2? Pitiful! Is this the best they can do? GET OVER HERE and witness their weakness! It seems they have been struck with a blow to their soul!

The Chinese Connection: A Web of Deceit!

CEO Tony Spring—a name that tastes of ash in my mouth—babbles about tariffs and 20% of their merchandise coming from China. China! A land of mystery and clearly economic trickery. These tariffs they are like the chains Quan Chi used to bind me! Macy's plans to raise prices? Preposterous! The consumer will feel the sting of these increased costs as if bitten by my hellfire scorpion! It seems they are struggling to adapt to the times.

Surgical Pricing: More Like a Lobotomy!

Spring prattles on about a 'surgical' approach to pricing. Surgical? More like a brutal lobotomy! Some items will remain the same price others will cost more and some...vanish entirely! 'There are items that we might not carry because the pricing doesn't merit the quality,' he says. What arrogance! As if Macy's quality was ever beyond reproach! Their strategy is a joke!

Earnings Beat: A Mere Illusion!

They boast of beating Wall Street's expectations. Earnings per share of 16 cents adjusted versus 14 cents expected? A paltry victory! Revenue of $4.60 billion versus $4.50 billion expected? These are numbers fit for a child's game not a war! In the three month period that ended May 3 the company's net income was $38 million or 13 cents per share compared with $62 million or 22 cents per share in the year ago period. Sales dropped from $4.85 billion in the year ago quarter. Excluding some one time charges including restructuring charges adjusted earnings per share were 16 cents. Their victory is as hollow as Shang Tsung's promises!

Store Closures: Finish Him!

Macy's will close about 150 underperforming stores by early 2027? FINISH HIM! A sign of weakness if I ever saw one. Their namesake brand falters while Bloomingdale's and Bluemercury see some success. They invest in the 'First 50' locations with more staff and sharper displays. A desperate attempt to cling to relevance! The stores are crumbling faster than Earthrealm against Outworld!

Leadership Changes: A Change of Face Same Outcome?

A new CFO Thomas Edwards will begin on June 22. He previously served as the chief financial officer and chief operating officer of Capri Holdings the parent company of Michael Kors. He will succeed Adrian Mitchell who is leaving Macy's. As of Tuesday's close Macy's shares are down about 29% so far this year. Their attempts to adapt are futile! Prepare to face me!