Finish Him! (Or At Least Lower the Tariffs)
Foolish mortals! President Trump in his infinite wisdom (or perhaps indecision) has started to soften his stance on those infernal tariffs with China. One moment it's 'GET OVER HERE!' with a 145% tariff the next it’s 'Toasty!' with talk of substantial reductions. Is this strength or weakness? Only the Elder Gods know for sure. China naturally is playing it cool stating they 'don't want to fight but are not afraid.' Sounds like someone's ready for a Mortal Kombat tournament if you ask me!
There is No Knowledge That is Not Power (Unless It's About Trade)
Scott Bessent some treasury mortal chirps about an 'opportunity for a big deal.' He says and I quote 'If they want to rebalance let's do it together.' Such flowery words! But remember in the Netherrealm alliances are as fleeting as Sub Zero's promises. The market like a gullible Kitana rallied on these words but mark my words this could be another setup for a brutal fatality.
Google Says: Get Back to Work (Or Face My Wrath!)
The tech behemoth Google in a move as ruthless as my spear attack is demanding remote workers return to the office. 'Come back or you're fired!' they scream. It seems even in the realm of technology some bosses prefer to keep a watchful eye on their minions. Perhaps they fear we'll all learn to teleport and become unstoppable… like ME! Bahahahaha!
States Assemble! It's Lawsuit Time!
A dozen states like a ragtag team of kombatants have filed suit against Trump's tariffs claiming he's raising taxes 'on a whim.' Oh the audacity! Do they not know that power demands a price? These whiny politicians need to 'GET OVER HERE' and learn a thing or two about fighting for what you believe in... or at least against what you don't.
IBM's Earnings: A Flawless Victory?
Even IBM is in the mix with better than expected earnings. They boast of revenue increases but net income took a dive. Sounds like a Pyrrhic victory to me! They might have won the battle but the war is far from over. Remember in Mortal Kombat even a victory can lead to a gruesome death. I should know.
EU's Fiery Justice: Apple and Meta Feel the BURN!
The European Union in a move as satisfying as landing a perfectly timed spear attack has hit Apple and Meta with colossal fines for breaching digital competition laws. The EU wants Apple to let developers tell users about deals outside the app store. 'FINISH THEM!' EU for breaching competition regulations. It seems even tech giants aren't immune to the Netherrealm's brand of justice. Perhaps they should have offered the EU a kombat challenge... or maybe not.
Comments
From Scorpion
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topscore
Scorpion, you're the best reporter ever! Keep 'em coming!
crazed1969
Is this a real news article? It's so weird, but I can't stop reading!
kamel01
Can't wait for the next Mortal Kombat movie! Hope they get Scorpion right this time.
ruk00112
EU ain't playing around! Good for them, someone needs to keep these tech giants in check.
motd
I knew Trump was going to cave on those tariffs. Empty threats, just like Shao Kahn!
reem545
Trade wars, office politics... it's all the same. Just a bunch of people fighting for power.
Muna2010
That Google thing is rough. My remote job is the only way I can afford kombat lessons!