Tariff Trauma! Blame Trump for Your High Interest Rates, Says Fed (And Probably My Bad Decisions Too)

Coulda Woulda Shoulda: The Lost World of Lower Rates

Alright folks Saul Goodman here your trusted (ahem) legal eagle. So I'm reading this news right? And it's all doom and gloom about interest rates. Apparently Mr. 'Make America Great Again' himself Donald J. Trump is the reason we're stuck with these high rates. Seems those tariffs he slapped on everyone from our allies to our aquatic bird friends are the reason the Fed didn't cut rates. Can you believe it? It's like finding out your 'friend' skimmed off the top of your 'legal fees'. Disgusting.

Blame It on the Tariffs: Powell's Got a Point (Maybe)

So Jerome Powell big cheese at the Fed is saying tariffs made inflation forecasts go up. 'Materially,' he says. Sounds serious right? Like when Walt told me he was in the 'meth business'. But hey who knows what could've been? Maybe without the tariffs Trump's other policies would've sent inflation through the roof anyway. Remember that post election stock market surge? Could've been even crazier! 'Better Call Saul' for financial advice maybe? Nah I stick to representing the shall we say misunderstood.

Market Mayhem: S&P Dips and Tesla Tumbles

Of course the markets are throwing a hissy fit. The S&P 500 dipped. Tesla shares took a nosedive after Trump poked fun at their subsidies. This economy I tell ya it's a delicate ecosystem. You know what else is delicate? My reputation! It's built on a foundation of... well let's just say 'creative interpretations' of the law. But back to business remember folks money is not an end but a means to an end: the quality of life that your money can afford.

Figma Files: IPO Dreams and Billions on the Table

Figma this design company is going public. Valued at a cool $12.5 billion! That's more money than I've laundered in my entire career! Okay maybe not but still that's a lot of dough. Reminds me of the good old days cooking up...uhhh accounting solutions yeah that's it. Now where's my cut?

Trump's Megabill: A Senate Squeaker and a Deficit Booster

Speaking of politics Trump's megabill barely made it through the Senate thanks to a tie breaking vote. More debt for Uncle Sam! Some banks think it'll give the economy a shot in the arm. Me? I think it'll give me more clients looking for creative accounting solutions. It's all good man!

Huawei's AI Ambitions: China's Tech Gamble

And finally Huawei is open sourcing its AI models. Trying to take on the world huh? Good for them. It is strengthening its position across the entire AI value chain as it works to overcome U.S. led AI chip export restrictions. Sounds like they're saying 'I am the one who knocks!' to the global AI market. Smart move. Always have an exit strategy right? Or in this case a global domination strategy. Makes you wonder what they really want... And why do I feel like I should move to Europe again?