Israel vs. Iran: A Saul Goodman Special on Middle East Mayhem

Breaking Bad News: Airstrikes Across Iran

Alright folks Saul Goodman here your friendly neighborhood attorney...well *former* attorney. These days I'm more of a commentator on current events. And lemme tell you the news coming out of the Middle East is messier than Tuco Salamanca's apartment after a disagreement with a vacuum cleaner salesman. Israel is launching airstrikes all over Iran and Iran is firing back. It's like watching two scorpions in a bottle and you just *know* someone's gonna get stung. The article says Israel is hitting Iranian nuclear and military sites. Seems a bit… aggressive doesn't it? Almost like they’re trying to 'break bad,' if you catch my drift. As I always say 'If you're committed enough you can make any story work. I once convinced a jury that my client was framed by a chihuahua!' But this this is a bit beyond my legal expertise even after all my years defending the scum of Albuquerque.

Oil's Well That Ends...Badly?

So apparently Israel also targeted a couple of oil refineries. Smart move guys! Nothing says 'peaceful resolution' like bombing the other guy's economy into the Stone Age. This could affect global markets which means your gas prices are gonna skyrocket. And you know what that means? More angry clients. Speaking of I remember this one time I had to represent a guy who stole gas from a Hummer... Claimed it was for 'medicinal purposes'. Honestly between that guy and this situation I'm not sure which is more insane. As the great Ignacio Varga once said 'When you're in you're in.' And right now both countries are *deep* in it.

Trump Card: A New Nuclear Deal?

Ah Donald Trump never one to miss a photo op is chiming in with 'full support' for Israel and suggesting a new nuclear deal. Sounds like someone’s trying to sell a timeshare in the apocalypse if you ask me. But hey gotta give the guy credit for trying...in his own unique way. He says Iran can avoid further destruction by agreeing to a new nuclear deal. I will leave it up to your imagination what he means by that but knowing what I know I would not want to be on the receiving end of that. It reminds me of the time I told Walter White that he could avoid jail time by simply 'cooperating' with the authorities. Turned out 'cooperating' involved a lot more than just answering questions.

Death Toll Rising: No Winners Here

People are dying on both sides. Buildings are being destroyed. It’s a disaster plain and simple. And for what? Power? Control? A misguided sense of justice? I've seen enough tragedies in my day to know that there are no real winners in war just varying degrees of losing. Even when I win I still lost (my soul). The article mentions casualties in Israel and Iran. Innocent people caught in the crossfire. It’s heartbreaking really. It reminds me of the collateral damage in the Heisenberg empire. Sometimes no matter how hard you try you can't avoid the fallout. 'Clearly man you're in a crisis,' as Jesse Pinkman would eloquently put it.

World Leaders: 'Can't We All Just Get Along?' (Spoiler: No)

World leaders are making 'urgent calls to de escalate.' Oh please. Like that's ever worked. It's like telling Walter White to just 'chill out' when he's got a batch of blue meth to cook. The attack on nuclear sites is setting a 'dangerous precedent,' says China. Yeah well so does letting a lawyer like me loose on the legal system. But hey that's show business baby! Netanyahu is brushing off the calls for peace saying Israel’s strikes so far are 'nothing compared to what they will feel.' Sounds like somebody’s been watching too many action movies and not enough episodes of 'Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood.' Just sayin'.

Nuclear Facilities Damaged: Uh Oh

Satellite photos show 'extensive damage' at Iran's main nuclear enrichment facility. Apparently it'll take 'more than a few weeks' to repair. That's what they said about my reputation after the whole 'Better Call Saul' debacle. Turns out some things are harder to fix than others. The UN nuclear chief says the above ground section of the Natanz facility was destroyed. I've seen enough people destroy their lives above ground to know that the real damage is often what's hidden beneath the surface. All in all it's a mess and as your friendly neighborhood attorney the only thing I can advise you is get a lawyer you'll need one.