Chevron's Slow Burn: Oil Giant Pumps the Brakes on Buybacks as Profits Dip

No Fate But What We Make...Or Do We?

Okay people listen up. This isn't about some Skynet uprising but trust me it's all connected. Chevron one of those mega corporations that probably has more power than most governments is feeling the heat. Turns out even they can't outrun the future or in this case the falling price of oil. They're slowing down their share buybacks meaning less cash for the fat cats. My initial thought: good. Let them feel the sting. But the bigger picture is what happens when these giants stumble? Does it create chaos? An opportunity? Or just another mess for the rest of us to clean up? It's like that T 800 said 'The future is not set. There is no fate but what we make for ourselves.' But the future is always changing and we need to be prepared.

Crude Awakening: Tariffs and OPEC Shenanigans

Apparently Trump's tariffs and OPEC's oil pumping party are crashing Chevron's earnings. US crude oil prices dropped about 18% this year. Who knew messing with global markets could have consequences? It's almost like these guys are deliberately trying to kickstart Judgment Day. And these analysts are talking about 'skating to where the puck is going' recognizing that the macro has deteriorated and could continue to deteriorate further from here. 'The puck' probably meaning 'the apocalypse' in my book.

Buyback Blues: Less for Them What About Us?

So Chevron is only buying back $2.5 to $3 billion of its stock in the second quarter down from $3.9 billion. Poor babies! They're still aiming for $10 to $20 billion for the whole year though. Because you know priorities. I'm sure that money would be better spent on oh I don't know preventing the end of the world? Too much to ask I guess. This reminds me of Cyberdyne's budget for the Terminator project I bet you they spent a lot of money!

The Numbers Game: Profits Take a Dive

Net income is down by more than 30%. Down to a measly $3.5 billion. I almost feel sorry for them. Almost. Their US production business is also feeling the squeeze. But hey at least their US refining business is making a profit...of $103 million. Baby steps towards avoiding total financial meltdown I suppose. It's like the Terminator trying to learn human emotions it has a long way to go.

Hess Mess: Acquisition Impasse

And just to add to the fun Chevron's trying to buy Hess but Exxon Mobil is throwing a wrench in the works. Apparently there's some fight over assets in Guyana. Corporate warfare is just another kind of war isn't it? Except instead of bullets they're using lawyers and arbitration courts. Still it's enough to make you want to go off the grid and live in a bunker. I wish I could say Hasta la vista to all of this...

What Does It All Mean?

Look I'm not an economist but I know a bad omen when I see one. This isn't just about Chevron's profits. It's about the global economy the future of energy and the potential for things to go sideways real fast. We need to be prepared. Stay vigilant. And maybe invest in some good EMP proof generators. You never know when Skynet...or the next economic collapse...is coming.