Odin's Beard! Trump's Tariffs Threaten the Very Boots on Our Feet!

The Gods Frown Upon Empty Shelves

Hark shield maidens and warriors! Ragnar Lothbrok speaks! I've raided many lands seen empires rise and fall but this news from the so called 'United States'… it smells worse than Rollo after a long voyage. Seems their chieftain this Trump fellow has decided to wage war not with swords and axes but with… tariffs! And on shoes no less! What madness is this? Are they trying to make everyone walk on ice barefoot? I always said a wise ruler protects his people not trips them up with taxes on their footwear. I bet even Floki would think this is a bit crazy.

Nike and Adidas Plead for Mercy

The article says that these 'shoe barons' as they are called Nike Adidas and others are writing letters! Letters! Like frightened monks begging for their monasteries not to be burned. They say this Trump's 'reciprocal tariffs' are an 'existential threat'. Existential! Such fancy words for 'we're going to lose a lot of gold'. They fear the people won't be able to afford their fancy footwear and that the shelves will be bare like a raided village. I imagine the thought of empty shelves keeps them up at night more than the thought of Valhalla!

From Vietnam to Valhalla: A Supply Chain Saga

Apparently this Trump fellow has put levies on lands that make these shoes – China Vietnam even Cambodia! He started high then lowered some but increased others to an effective 145%. Can you imagine? Back in my day we just took what we wanted. None of this complicated adding and subtracting. Still one must ask is all this worth the trouble? Are these tariffs going to fill their coffers or just anger everyone? “How I long for the simple days of plunder,” I must say.

Higher Prices? The People Will Riot!

These 'Adidas' fellows have already warned that prices will rise. Rise! As if the common folk don't have enough to worry about already. If they can't afford their shoes they'll be marching on the White House with pitchforks and torches just like when we stormed Lindisfarne! Remember what I always say: “Power is always dangerous. It attracts the worst and corrupts the best.” Let us see if the leader of this land will heed my wisdom or fall victim to his own power.

A Looming Footwear Famine

The article claims American footwear companies could face tariffs ranging between 150% and 220%. That's more than the price of a good longship! The shoe people are worried about running out of shoes which I admit is a problem. Imagine a Viking raid without boots! Utter chaos! It sounds like they are in a dire emergency that requires immediate action. Though from what I understand 'immediate action' in this land usually means more meetings and letters.

The Illusion of Bringing Boot Making Home

And here's the funniest part. This Trump fellow thinks he's bringing shoe making back to America! Ha! He's dreaming. These businesses need stability. Uncertainty is the bane of any venture be it raiding England or opening a shoe factory. As I said to King Ecbert: “Never trust a man entirely especially one who claims to be a friend.” And I'd say the same to these American shoe makers. Trust no politician completely. They’ll promise you Valhalla and deliver you to Helheim. I must get back to scheming. I heard they need a good Viking to sort this mess out and I know just the man.