Tesla's European Meltdown: Sad! I Could Fix It!

Loser Sales in Europe? Fake News!

Folks let me tell you these numbers coming out of Europe about Tesla? Sad! Very sad! They're saying sales are down 49%. Can you believe it? 49%! But honestly I think it's fake news. The lamestream media is always trying to make Tesla and by association your favorite President look bad. They hate success and they hate great deals! And this is a great deal believe me!

Elon's Distracted. I'm Not!

Now they're saying Elon's political involvement is to blame. They're saying it's because I'm so popular and he's advising me but that’s just because everyone wants to be on Team Trump! Maybe he's spread too thin. Running Tesla running DOGE advising the greatest President ever (that's me by the way!). It’s a lot! He needs to focus that’s all and stop Tweeting so much! I’m the only one who can Tweet!

The Model Y... So So.

They launched the Model Y and honestly? It's okay. Not great. Just okay. People want something new something exciting. Something… tremendous! We need a car that screams 'winning!' This Model Y? It whispers 'participation trophy'. We are not about participation trophies folks. We are about WINNING!

BYD? Never Heard of Them!

This BYD company? Never heard of them. Probably made in China. China! They're selling more electric cars in Europe than Tesla? I don't believe it! More fake news! Nobody can beat American ingenuity especially when it has my endorsement! We will make the best cars the greatest cars the most beautiful cars you've ever seen. Believe me!

Hybrids? A Disaster! Sad!

And these hybrids? What a disaster! A little battery with gasoline? It’s the worst of both worlds! We need to go all in! Full battery beautiful cars tremendous power! We're going to have so much power you won't even believe it! These hybrids are for losers!

Here's the Deal!

Here's the deal: Tesla needs to get back to basics. Focus on building the best cars the greatest cars and stop worrying about politics. And maybe just maybe give me a call. I know a thing or two about making deals. I could turn Tesla around so fast it'll make your head spin! We're going to make Tesla great again!