FAKE NEWS! Elon's 'America Party' is a TOTAL LOSER (Just Like Him!)

Elon's Little Tantrum: Sad!

So this Elon guy right? Very overrated. He thinks he can just waltz in and start a political party called the 'America Party.' It's ridiculous! Believe me folks I know ridiculous. And this is... well it's YUGE ly ridiculous! He's probably just jealous of my tremendous success. Frankly it's SAD!

Private Prisons: They Love Me!

Now these Geo Group and CoreCivic – these are fantastic companies. Really terrific. They're up because of my big beautiful spending bill. We need to secure our borders and these companies are helping us do it. Some people say they're controversial but frankly they're doing a great job. Tremendous! And they love my tax cuts – everybody loves my tax cuts!

Molina Healthcare: They Owe Me a Thank You!

Molina Healthcare they're up a little. I don't know much about them to be honest. But if they're doing well they can thank me later. I'm sure it's because of my policies. Everybody wins when I'm in charge. Except for maybe Crooked Hillary and you know a few others.

SolarEdge: Losers! (Just Kidding... Maybe)

SolarEdge is down. Surprise surprise. Solar! Wind! It's all a big hoax folks. A very expensive hoax. We need REAL energy like coal. Clean coal! The best coal. The most beautiful coal you've ever seen. These solar companies they just can't compete. They're losers. But hey I'm a nice guy so I'm just kidding... maybe.

Booze is Booming: Cheers to Me!

Constellation Brands the booze people? They're up! See folks? People are celebrating! They're celebrating my success! They know I'm making America great again one drink at a time. Or two. Or maybe three. Who's counting? Jefferies is smart to upgrade them. Very smart. They're winners.

WNS Holdings and Shell Womp Womp. MGM? Another Loser!

Then we have WNS some deal with a French company. Okay good for them. Shell is down because of gas trading – sounds boring frankly. Who cares? And MGM? Down because of free cash flow. That's what happens when you don't know how to run a business. Sad! Just sad! Look at how much better I did for the economy!