Shell Shocked! Did Someone Say Buyout?!

Ten Percent?! Blimey!

Right then! Today was a right kerfuffle down at the stock market! Apparently someone started whispering that Shell was going to buy BP. Buy it! Like buying a new... well like buying a new Mini only much much bigger! The shares shot up like a rocket ten percent they said! I nearly choked on my marmalade sandwich! Ten percent is almost as good as finding a ten pound note down the back of the sofa which incidentally has happened to me. Twice.

Shell Says... No Way!

But then! Disaster! Like when Teddy gets stuck down the loo! Shell came along and said "No no no! We're not buying anyone! We're just… focused on performance discipline and simplification." Simplification? Sounds boring! Where's the fun in that? It's like saying you're going to simplify making a cheese sandwich! How can you simplify perfection? Still BP shares went back down like a punctured bouncy castle. Boo!

A Slice of BP Pie?

Apparently even if Shell *was* thinking about buying BP they probably wouldn't buy the whole thing. Just bits of it! Like when you share a cake but you only want the bit with the most icing. They'd chop BP up and sell it off to different companies. Sounds messy! I once tried to cut my birthday cake with a toothbrush. Didn't go well. There were crumbs everywhere!

BP's Not Been Playing Ball?

The article said BP hasn't been doing as well as Shell and the American companies. Maybe they need a little help? Like when I tried to help Mrs. Wicket with her gardening and accidentally planted her prize winning petunias upside down. She wasn't best pleased. "You've been framed!" she screamed. Honestly some people.

Going Green? Or Going Back?

Five years ago BP wanted to be all eco friendly and save the planet! Good on them I say! But then apparently they weren't making enough money. So they decided to go back to… the black stuff. It's a bit like when I tried to paint my flat green but then ran out of paint and ended up using shoe polish. A tad messy but you get the idea.

Someone's Got Their Eye On BP!

Now this Elliott Management fellow seems he has stuck his nose in. They've bought a big chunk of BP apparently and now they're probably going to tell them what to do! It's like when Scrapper the cat tells Teddy what to do but of course Teddy is the one calling the shots! Perhaps BP should listen to Teddy. Good thinking!