Oh Dear! China Says Goodbye to America (Maybe?)

Teddy's Tariff Tantrums!

Right so I was reading the newspaper (upside down at first naturally) and it seems China and America are having a bit of a… well a squabble. A proper barney! Like when I accidentally put my head in the turkey. Apparently these Chinese exporters are a bit miffed with America. Something about tariffs. I don't know what 'tariffs' are but they sound a bit like terrariums and I do like looking at those little lizards. But they seem to be costing lots of money and no one is happy.

Going Global Like My Holiday!

The article said 95% of these exporters want to go somewhere else other than the USA! Imagine! It's like when I tried to drive to the seaside on the roof of my Mini – they're going on a big adventure. They call it ‘diversifying’. I thought that meant having lots of different types of beans. You know like baked beans runner beans kidney beans! I do like a good plate of beans... Especially in my underpants! It seems they are trying to find new places to sell their things to. Clever really. Like my way of painting the living room at Christmas!

De Coupling: Sounds Painful!

This survey talks about a “de coupling”. Sounds a bit like what happens when I try to parallel park. Awful! Apparently it's where China and the US are not joined together so much anymore. Like when I tried to superglue my socks to my sandals – didn't work! The survey says things might get a bit less friendly. I wonder if it’s as bad as when I tried to cut my sandwich in half with a credit card? Probably!

Uh Oh Exports Taking a Tumble!

It seems the Chinese exporters are worried about earning less money this year. Oh dear! A dent in turnover they said. I know all about dents! My Mini is practically made of them. These pesky tariffs are making a mess. It feels like I am painting the apartment and the paint can explodes!

Southeast Asia: A New Playground!

Apparently they’re all packing their bags and heading to Southeast Asia! Places like Indonesia. Sounds exotic! A bit like that time I tried to make sushi using gummy bears. Some are a bit unsure about Vietnam though. Something about rising costs. Like when I bought a fancy new toothbrush and it ran out of battery the very next day! Always the way isn't it?

Global Trade Troubles: A Bean Sized Disaster!

And the really worrying part? The grown ups are saying this whole thing could cost the world a whopping $305 billion! That's a lot of money! It's like when I accidentally destroyed that priceless vase. Oops! Global trade is big business; $33 trillion big! Like the amount of dust under my sofa. Perhaps if everyone just had a nice cup of tea and a biscuit things would be much better. Now where did I put Teddy...?