Holy Smokes! Trump Says Iran's Nuclear Program 'Obliterated' - But Did He Jump Out of a Window?

Waah! What's Going On?!

Okay okay settle down everyone! Jackie here. So I hear Mr. Trump say he 'obliterated' Iran's nuclear program. Obliterated! Sounds like one of my movie fight scenes eh? But then I read the news and it's like 'Wait what? Maybe not so obliterated?' Reminds me of when I try to cook noodles. I think I make magic but then…boom! Disaster! Did I do that?

Defense Intelligence Agency is Saying What?

So the clever folks at the Defense Intelligence Agency are saying the airstrikes only set Iran back a few months not years. A few months? That's like saying I only broke a few bones during a movie stunt! It still hurts! But Mr. Trump says their report is incomplete because they didn't see the sites properly. You know sometimes I don't see the coffee table in the morning either and…WHAM! Always a surprise.

Karoline Leavitt: A Real Fight Promoter

Then you have the White House saying the report is 'flat out wrong'. Flat out wrong! Sounds like something I yell when I miss a kick by *that* much. And they're calling the leaker a 'low level loser'. Ouch! That's harsh! Even I try to be nice to the bad guys before I kick them into a conveniently placed pile of cardboard boxes.

Secretary Pete Hegseth Digging Deep

Secretary Hegseth is saying you need a 'big shovel' to see what really happened. A big shovel! Reminds me of when I had to dig my way out of that pile of props in 'Who Am I?'. Sometimes you need to get your hands dirty to find the truth eh?

Israel's Atomic Energy Commission Backs the President

But wait! Israel's Atomic Energy Commission says the strike 'destroyed the site's critical infrastructure'. Okay so who is telling the truth? It's like trying to figure out which way is up in 'Drunken Master'! Makes my head spin more than after a shot of baijiu!

So What Does Jackie Think?

Look I'm just an action star who occasionally falls through a roof. But I know one thing: Truth is like good kung fu. It takes time practice and maybe a few broken tables to get it right. Maybe everyone needs to take a deep breath cool down and remember... 'No matter how difficult the past you can always begin again today.' Now if you'll excuse me I have a ladder to climb... carefully.