Trump to Spain: No Giggity Giggity Goo Unless You Pay Up NATO Dues!

Giggity NATO's Getting Serious!

Alright alright alright! Looks like Uncle Sam is cracking the whip and this time it's aimed at Spain! Our very own Donald Trump bless his… heart is laying down the law. Apparently Spain isn't too keen on shelling out the dough for NATO's new defense spending goals. I mean 5% of GDP? That's a lot of sangria and siestas they'd have to give up! But hey if you can't handle me at my worst then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best right? Giggity!

Trump's Trade Off Tango

So what's Trump's plan? Oh just the small matter of doubling trade costs! Yeah he's saying if Spain doesn't cough up the NATO dough they're gonna pay through the nose on trade deals. "I like Spain… it's a great place and they are great people but Spain is the only country out of all of the countries that refuses to pay," he whines. Kinda reminds me of when I tried to get Lois to pay for our dinner date at the Drunken Clam. Some things never change eh?

Spain's Siesta Strategy

Now Spain's Prime Minister Pedro Sanchez seems to think 2% of GDP is just fine dandy and enough to keep everyone happy. Says it's “sufficient realistic and compatible with the welfare state.” Well isn't that special? Guess they're too busy enjoying tapas and flamenco to worry about defending themselves. But hey everyone deserves a little 'me time,' right? (wink wink)

More Bang for Your Buck… or Bombs?

And get this NATO allies are all in agreement on boosting their spending to a whopping 5% by 2035! Apparently they're "united in the face of profound security threats and challenges." Sounds a bit like the time I tried to unite all the ladies in Quahog at the Quahog Clam Convention but with less... uh diplomacy. I mean what kind of 'security threats' are we talking about here? Does it involve hot babes? Because I'm in!

The Fine Print... and the Fine Women!

Sanchez also thanked NATO for “respecting Spain’s sovereignty.” Whatever that means. All I know is if Spain isn't careful they'll be paying twice as much for everything! Talk about a buzzkill. It's like when you think you're about to score and then she hits you with the “I have a boyfriend” line. The suspense is terrible I hope it will last.

Giggity Giggity... Is this Goodbye?

So there you have it folks. Trump's playing hardball Spain's playing it cool and I'm just here hoping there's some international lady action involved in all this. Giggity! I guess it's time to break out the international phrasebook. Where's my Spanish dictionary? And more importantly where are the señoritas? Alright!