Giggity! Stocks Do the Horizontal Mambo After Iran-Israel Tussle!

Iran Israel? More Like Iran Irra SQUEEZE!

Well hello there! It seems things got a little spicy in the Middle East this week didn't they? Iran and Israel decided to play a game of 'who can launch the most impressive fireworks display,' and the stock market felt the aftershocks. Everyone got scared and ran to hide in the safe haven assets like gold and the U.S. dollar. It was like a stag party gone wrong – everyone’s looking for an exit strategy! Giggity!

RSI? More Like R SOME I!

Now let's talk about this 'RSI' thingy. It's like a stock's personal thermometer – telling us if it's running a fever or feeling a bit chilly. If it's over 70 that stock is basically saying 'Hey I'm too hot to handle!' and might need a little cool down. If it's under 30 well that's a stock just begging for some attention. It's like Bonnie when she sees me always wanting more... Giggity!

Oracle's Hot Streak: A Software Bonanza!

Oracle oh Oracle you're such a tease! With an RSI of 90.4 this stock is practically glowing! After rocketing almost 8% on Friday and a whopping 24% for the entire week Oracle's CEO is practically promising us all a happy ending... I mean a fiscally responsible 2026. Cloud infrastructure is going up more than 70%! I haven't seen those numbers since... well let's just say it involves a bachelorette party and a whole lotta whipped cream.

Micron's Micro Pleasures Macro Profits!

Micron Technology is also getting in on the action boasting an RSI of 85.1. Seems like they're planning to invest $200 billion in U.S. semiconductor manufacturing. $200 Billion! This is gonna create so many jobs it's practically a stimulus package in a silicon wafer. It's like building a whole new town just for… oh never mind. You wouldn't understand. Giggity!

Smucker's Soggy Bottom Blues!

On the other end of the spectrum we have J.M. Smucker languishing with an RSI of 27. Poor Smucker's. Everyone wants to hold them back! But analysts are seeing major upside. Maybe they need a little… lubrication. Or a new marketing campaign featuring a certain horny airline pilot. I could write it… Giggity!

PG&E: From Powerhouse to Power LESS!

And then there's PG&E sitting at a dismal 20.6. Ouch! This stock is basically saying 'I've fallen and I can't get up!' Maybe they should try installing a pole. I know I'm good at those! Giggity giggity goo!