Trump's 'Ultimate Ultimatum' to Iran: Another Day, Another Bug Hunt?

Nuke 'Em From Orbit?

Alright people settle in. Seems like we got another situation brewing – only this time it's not acid blooded monsters but good ol' geopolitical squabbling. This Trump fella the President apparently gave Iran some kinda 'ultimate ultimatum.' Ultimate huh? Last time someone used that word around me things got real messy real quick. Remember Hadley's Hope? Yeah didn't think so. Anyway he's hinting at a strike against Iran backing Israel in their ongoing fireworks display. And just like dealing with a Xenomorph Queen this has the potential to go sideways faster than you can say 'game over man!'

Evacuate! Evacuate! (Again?)

The U.S. Embassy in Jerusalem is prepping for a large scale evacuation. Evacuation flights and cruise ships are being arranged. Cruise ships? Seriously? Last time I was on a ship I ended up in deep space facing off against a critter I'd rather not describe. So good luck to those folks. Just remember screaming doesn't help. Believe me I've tried.

Negotiate This!

Trump says Iran wants to negotiate. Iran says not so much. They're denying any interest in 'groveling at the gates of the White House.' Someone's got their story straight and someone's pulling a fast one. Reminds me of the Company – always with their hidden agendas and double crosses. 'Our policy is very simple,' right? Yeah right into the nearest airlock!

Irreparable Damage? Sounds Familiar

Iran's Supreme Leader Khamenei is threatening 'irreparable damage' if the U.S. gets involved. Sound familiar? The Xenomorphs threatened 'irreparable damage' to my sanity. These guys need to learn that threats only work if you can back 'em up. And let me tell you backing up a threat usually involves a whole lot of firepower. Preferably with a flamethrower.

Trading Missile Fire: A Regular Tuesday

So Iran and Israel have been trading missile fire. Just another Tuesday I guess. Apparently Israel launched a 'preemptive attack' on Iran's nuclear program. Because that's always a good idea right? Like poking a sleeping bear with a stick made of dynamite. And the International Atomic Energy Agency says some nuclear facilities were hit. Terrific. Just what we need – more radiation. I've had enough exposure to cosmic rays for one lifetime thank you very much.

Wearing Thin? My Patience Snapped Years Ago!

Trump says U.S. patience is 'wearing thin.' My patience wore thin when Ash tried to impregnate me with an alien. So yeah I feel your pain buddy. He also wants Iran's 'UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER!' Which knowing how these things usually go is about as likely as finding a friendly Xenomorph. Guess we'll just have to wait and see if this whole mess blows up in our faces. Again. Hudson get the pulse rifle ready. Just in case.