Another Day, Another Xenomorph... I Mean, Tariff! Trump Targets BRICS in Trade War Fiasco

Can Anyone Hear Me Screaming... About Trade?

Alright people Ripley here. Seems we got another situation brewing and it's not a facehugger this time though it feels about as pleasant. Seems Mr. Trump or whatever he calls himself these days is threatening a 10% tariff on anyone cozying up to BRICS. BRICS for those of you who've been cryo sleeping is Brazil Russia India China South Africa and a bunch of other countries who are apparently not fans of the American way of doing things. Personally after dealing with Weyland Yutani I'm not sure 'American way' is always something to aspire to.

No Exceptions? That's What They Said About the Self Destruct Sequence!

Trump's declaring 'no exceptions.' Reminds me of Burke saying everything was going to be alright on the *Sulaco*. We all know how that turned out. The man's essentially saying 'You align with the anti American policies of BRICS you get tariffs!' No specifics on what these 'anti American policies' are mind you. Probably just means they didn't send him enough gold plated diapers. I swear sometimes I think this whole planet is just one big Hadley's Hope and we're all just waiting for the inevitable.

BRICS Bites Back: A Global Grumble

Now BRICS isn't exactly thrilled surprise surprise. They're whining about 'unjustified unilateral protectionist measures,' which is basically diplomatic for 'Trump's playing dirty.' They're worried about trade restrictive actions and how it'll mess up the global economy. Well welcome to the club fellas. The global economy's been a festering wound since… well since I woke up from hypersleep the first time. These BRICS guys also threw a bone to Iran. Condemning military strikes without actually naming anyone. Classic politician move. I bet they have a fancy buffet waiting for them after this.

Putin and Xi: Absentee Landlords of Global Policy

So Xi Jinping skipped the meeting sending his sidekick. Probably too busy counting his money. And Putin showed up online because he’s got an arrest warrant hanging over his head. Honestly it sounds like one of those mandatory corporate retreats that's just a waste of time and resources. BRICS wants to 'increase the influence of Global South countries.' Which let's be honest is code for 'we want to take a bigger slice of the pie.' Like the Company everyone wants a bigger slice of the pie.

The Dollar's Demise? Don't Hold Your Breath

Apparently BRICS is also gunning to knock the U.S. dollar off its pedestal. Good luck with that guys. Taking down the dollar is like trying to kill a Xenomorph with a spork. Not impossible but you're gonna need a bigger weapon. Or maybe just a really really angry woman with a flamethrower.

August 1st: Judgement Day For Trade?

Trump's team says tariffs will kick in August 1st for anyone who hasn't kissed the ring. Bessent claims it's not a deadline just a friendly nudge. Yeah right. Reminds me of Ash telling me he was just conducting a routine medical examination. 'This is when it's happening,' he says. 'If you want to speed things up have at it.' What a bunch of corporate BS. Mark my words this is just the beginning. We're all gonna need a bigger boat… or maybe just a really good lawyer.