Eat My Shorts Tariffs!
Alright dudes and dudettes! Bart Simpson here your friendly neighborhood news slinger reporting live from… well my treehouse (don't tell Milhouse I'm using his laptop). Word on the street—or rather the internet—is that this whole trade war thing with China might be cooling off! Apparently some suit named Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent who sounds like he should be selling insurance told a bunch of rich guys that things are gonna “de escalate” soon. De escalate? Sounds like something Lisa would say.
Embargo Schmembargo!
So Bessent this big shot money man is saying the current tariff situation is totally unsustainable. Like duh! Even I know that charging extra for everything from fireworks to Krusty Burgers is gonna make people mad! He's claiming both sides have an 'embargo' right now. An embargo? Is that like a hug but with money? I hope not because I prefer pranks.
Don't Have a Cow Man It's Not a Decoupling!
Get this: even though we're slapping 145% tariffs on Chinese stuff and they're hitting us back with 125% duties Bessent swears Trump's not trying to 'decouple.' Decouple? Sounds like what happens when I try to fix my skateboard. Apparently it just means we're not trying to completely cut ties. Which is good because where else are we gonna get our cheap plastic toys?
Negotiations? Ay Caramba!
Bessent also says that negotiating with China is gonna be “a slog.” A slog? More like trying to understand Principal Skinner's lectures! But he also said neither side thinks the current mess can last. Sounds like someone's finally realizing that fighting over money is about as smart as Homer trying to do brain surgery. I am so smart! S M R T!
The White House Has Entered The Chat
Then this White House press secretary chick Karoline Leavitt echoed the same positive vibes. She said Trump's “setting the stage for a deal.” Setting the stage? Sounds like he's about to put on a musical about tariffs! And apparently “the ball is moving in the right direction.” I hope that ball isn't one of Milhouse's… never mind. She didn't say if Trump and the Chinese president have talked but honestly who needs talking when you can just tweet?
Marge Is That You?
So there you have it folks! A possible truce in the trade war. Will it actually happen? Who knows! Maybe Trump will wake up tomorrow and decide to build a giant wall made of tariffs. But for now it looks like the grownups might actually be trying to fix things. Don't have a cow man. Stay tuned for more updates and remember: I didn't do it!
Comments
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almasgurl
This is more boring than a church sermon!
reem545
Anyone else think Trump's just winging it?
jacknicklist
Don't trust anything those politicians say!
dennisnewman59
Ay, caramba! Another government mess.
dgteasley
I'm with Bart, this sounds like a Lisa problem!
josespu
I still blame Canada!
LDStarling
Sounds fishy to me. I bet Sideshow Bob is behind it all.
vidd
Does this mean I can finally afford that new skateboard?