Eat My Shorts, Mother Nature! Tropical Storm Chantal Dumps a Dud on North Carolina!

D'oh! Rain Rain Go Away!

Alright dudes and dudettes Bart Simpson here reporting live from... well not North Carolina but I heard it's a real washout! Seems like this Tropical Storm Chantal chick decided to throw a major hissy fit and dumped a whole lotta rain on those poor suckers in central North Carolina. Dozens of people had to bail from their homes probably screaming 'Eat my shorts!' as they went. Heh I would.

Water Water Everywhere and Not a Drop to Drink... or Skate!

The Chapel Hill Fire Department bless their cotton socks had to pull off like over 50 water rescues. Can you imagine? Water up to your eyeballs! And not the fun kind like when Milhouse tries to swim in the wading pool. They even had to save peeps from shopping centers. Bet the stores were having a 'flood sale'! Get it? *elbow nudge* I crack myself up.

Dam That's a Lot of Water!

Speaking of dams some bigwigs in Orange County got all freaked out about the Lake Michael Dam going belly up. So they told everyone downstream to scram. Voluntary evacuation? Sounds like someone's covering their own yellow butt. But hey better safe than sorry I guess. Unless you're itching for a real life 'Itchy & Scratchy' water park experience.

Road Closed? Excellent!

And get this! All lanes of Interstate 85/40 were shut down near Durham! Can you say 'road trip delayed'? Probably took longer than Homer's epic quest to find the Land of Chocolate. They're saying it'll be closed for like two days! That's prime mischief making time! Although maybe not *near* a flooded highway. Safety first kids... mostly.

The River's Gone Wild!

The Eno River decided to break all the records cresting way higher than it ever has before. I bet even Maggie could build a bigger sandcastle than the old record could measure against! And the Haw River? Second highest *ever*! Only Hurricane Fran beat it back in '96. I bet those rivers were yelling 'I didn't do it!' But like in river speak.

No Juice?! That's Unpossible!

Over 34,000 people lost power! Can you imagine no TV? No video games? No hair dryer for Marge?! That's a level of suffering usually reserved for Principal Skinner when he has to deal with me. Hopefully they found some candles and told ghost stories... or just went to Moe's. Duff for everyone!