Eat My Shorts, Mother Nature! Texas Flood a Real Knee-Slapper (Not for the Victims, D'oh!)

Ay Caramba! The River Went All Psycho

Alright dudes and dudettes Bart Simpson here bringing you the real news. So like apparently Mother Nature decided to pull a fast one on Texas. This river see it went totally berserk! One minute it's chillin' the next it's all 'Cowabunga dude!' and washes away everything in its path. They say it rose 26 feet in like 45 minutes! That's faster than Milhouse running from a bee! And get this people are missing like a bunch of them! Including kids from some goody two shoes camp called Camp Mystic. Seriously what kind of name is that? Sounds like a place where they teach you how to knit sweaters and sing Kumbaya. I bet they weren't expecting a liquid beatdown like that!

Don't Have a Cow Man! But Seriously People are Missing!

So these rescue folks are out there you know doing the whole 'hero' thing. Helicopters boats the whole shebang. They're looking for like a ton of missing people. I heard some big wig honcho said they won't stop till they find everyone. Good for them I guess. But here's the kicker: Apparently they've already found a bunch of bodies. Like 32! That's enough to fill a school bus... with corpses! Yikes! Even I Bart Simpson find that a tad disturbing. They even found some kids. Talk about a buzzkill!

Eat My Shorts Forecasters! You Blew It!

And here's where it gets juicy! Everyone's pointing fingers like Sideshow Bob after a foiled plot. Seems like the weather folks kinda dropped the ball on this one. They sent out some warnings sure but apparently not enough to make those camp counselors ditch the s'mores and head for higher ground. AccuWeather is all like 'We told you so!' while the officials are all like 'We didn't see it coming!' Sounds like a classic case of 'Blame it on someone else!' to me. Classic!

A Tree Hugging Emergency! (Literally!)

The story is filled with stories of survival like that family clingin' to a tree! A TREE! I mean I climb trees to get away from Skinner not from a freaking tidal wave! This one dude had to tell his grandson everything was gonna be alright even though he was scared stiff! That's rough man! Way tougher than trying to prank Flanders. And some poor Grandma got dragged all the way to the attic! Ay Caramba! That's one way to ruin your evening.

I Didn't Do It! (But Someone Should Be Punished)

So now the big shots are swarming in! The President's sending in the Homeland Security lady...Kristi Noem...whatever. And he's all like 'We're praying for you!' Yeah that'll fix it. Maybe they should've prayed BEFORE the flood ya know? But hey what do I know? I'm just a kid with a slingshot and a knack for trouble. Still even I know this whole thing stinks worse than Milhouse's gym socks after dodgeball.

More Rain? Doh!

And the best part? More rain's coming! That's right folks round two! Looks like Texas is gonna be the Wettest State in the Union. So if you're out there remember Bart's words of wisdom: 'Don't have a cow man!' Just grab a raft a six pack of Duff and wait for it to blow over. Or you know maybe evacuate. Whatever floats your boat!