Eat My Shorts, Wall Street! Bitcoin Goes Bonkers!

Cowabunga Crypto!

Ay caramba! Bitcoin's gone totally ballistic! It's like when Milhouse accidentally ate that tube of toothpaste only instead of minty fresh breath we're talking about cold hard cash... or you know digital cold hard cash. It's hit a new high near $112,000! I bet even Principal Skinner wishes he'd invested his retirement fund in this stuff. Can you imagine the look on his face? Ha!

Institutional Idiots Get in on the Action

Turns out it's not just us cool kids who are into Bitcoin. All those fancy pants institutional investors are finally jumping on the bandwagon. Probably because they saw me buying it with my lunch money. They say it's because of 'corporate adoption' and 'easing trade tensions.' Whatever man. It's all about the Benjamins... or the Satoshis or whatever they call 'em.

Trump to the Rescue?

Even President Trump is getting in on this crypto craze! Apparently he's got some AI and crypto czar (who names these guys?) pushing a pro crypto agenda. He wants crypto regulation on his desk by August. I bet even Sideshow Bob can't escape this one. He’s probably mining Bitcoin in his jail cell right now! Mwahahaha!

Wall Street's Wobbly

So the stock market is doing its usual song and dance but Bitcoin is doing its own thing. It's like when Lisa tries to play her saxophone while I'm skateboarding through the living room. Total chaos! They say it's because investors are looking for 'alternative stores of value.' I say it's because Bitcoin is just way cooler than stocks. Eat my shorts Wall Street!

Coinbase Joins the Cool Kids Club

And get this! Coinbase this big crypto company joined the S&P 500. It's like when I finally made the honor roll... okay maybe not. But it's still a big deal! Even that old grump Mr. Burns probably has a few Bitcoin stashed away in his mattress. Excellent!

Even Skeptics are Scrambling

Speaking of grumpy old guys even Jamie Dimon the CEO of JPMorgan (who used to hate Bitcoin) is letting his clients buy it now. Talk about a Nelson Muntz worthy 'HA HA!' moment. Looks like even the biggest skeptics can't resist the power of crypto. I told you this stuff was gonna be bigger than Krusty Burgers!