Eat My Shorts, Rare Earth Shortage! China Throws a Lifeline to Car Makers!

Don't Have a Cow Man! Rare Earths and Revenge!

Ay caramba! Looks like China's been playing a little game of 'keep away' with some rare earth elements. Apparently they were a bit miffed about those tariffs Trump slapped on their stuff. So naturally they decided to mess with the car companies because why not? Some of those rare earth thingamajigs are super important for making both gas guzzlers and those fancy electric cars that Lisa's always going on about. I mean who needs a car that doesn't go 'Vroom!' anyway?

Green Channel? Sounds Like Something Lisa Would Dig!

But hold your horses! Or should I say hold your donuts? China's Ministry of Commerce – sounds like a super boring place BTW – is offering a 'green channel' for exporting these rare earth whatevers to Europe. Apparently they want the EU to play nice too and let their high tech gadgets into Europe without a fuss. It's all about 'reciprocal steps,' whatever that means. Sounds like something Principal Skinner would say when he's trying to be all diplomatic.

General Motors Ford and Jeep? Losers!

And get this they're even letting some of the suppliers for General Motors Ford and Jeep get their hands on these rare earth thingies. I bet Mr. Burns is furious! All those cars and they might actually get made! This is a real breakthrough; I may actually write a positive line on the chalkboard at school tomorrow. 'I will not laugh at Ralph when he does his homework.'

Bureaucratic Monster? Sounds Like a Typical School Day!

But some German guy Maximilian Butek who sounds like a total nerd is all like 'Hold on! Is this green channel thing even gonna work?' He says it's a 'huge bureaucratic monster' and he's not sure if China can actually get these licenses out fast enough. Sounds like dealing with Patty and Selma at the DMV!

Production Stoppages! Doh! That's Bad!

Apparently those car companies were getting worried. Some of them were about to run out of these rare earth magnets which means they couldn't make cars! Imagine! No more cars! It would be like Springfield without donuts! Pure chaos! And some Japanese company called Suzuki Motor even stopped making cars because of this. Talk about a face palm moment!

Eat My Dust Shortage! Clean Energy Saves the Day?

So yeah China's got a grip on this rare earth stuff and everyone's scrambling to get their share. With everyone wanting to go all 'clean energy' and stuff these minerals are gonna be even more important. I'd better start investing now! Maybe I can get Milhouse to give me a loan!