Eat My Shorts, Iran! Trump Bombs Nuclear Sites (Like, Literally!)

Trump's 'Two Weeks' Turned Into 'Eat My Dust!'

Ay caramba! So like everyone thought Trump was gonna 'Do a Bartman' and bail on actually doing anything about Iran's nuke stuff. He said he'd think about it for 'two weeks.' Two weeks! That's like forever in Springfield time right? Turns out he totally pulled a fast one probably while watching 'Itchy & Scratchy'! He went full 'Cowabunga!' and bombed those nuclear sites quicker than you can say 'Don't have a cow man!'

TACO 'Bout a Surprise!

So there's this thing called TACO which stands for 'Trump Always Chickens Out.' It's like when Milhouse actually tries to be cool—always fails right? Everyone thought Trump was gonna TACO out again like when he threatens tariffs and then... poof! Nothing! But nope! He totally dissed the TACO and went all in. Looks like he's trying to prove he's not a 'chickens out' kinda guy. Good luck with that dude. I still think he's got cooties.

Kaboom! America's Got (Nuclear) Talent!

Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth is running around yelling that Iran's nuclear ambitions are 'obliterated.' Obliterated! Sounds like something Scratchy would do to Itchy! Iran's all kinds of mad saying it's 'outrageous!' Honestly I think Principal Skinner gets more 'outraged' when I replace his chalkboard erasers with donuts. But whatever world politics man. It's a sideshow I tell ya!

Strait Up Trouble!

So Iran's talking about closing the Strait of Hormuz. Sounds like something Mr. Burns would do to Springfield's water supply! The U.S. is telling China to tell Iran not to do it. It's like a game of telephone only with like world ending consequences. Can't we all just get along and watch Krusty the Clown? Geez!

Money Makes the World Go... BOOM!

Of course the stock market's having a meltdown. It's like when Lisa finds out about the Lemon Tree! Oil prices are going nuts! Cha ching! But Bitcoin's taking a nosedive. Serves those nerds right! I bet Comic Book Guy is crying into his Mountain Dew. 'Worst investment ever!'

Regime Change? More Like Change for the Vending Machine!

Some super smart people (not me duh!) are saying this whole thing could lead to regime change in Iran. That's like when Bart became president of France in that dream. Sounds pretty far fetched right? But hey if it happens get ready for even crazier oil prices! Woah Mama!