Eat My Shorts, H&M! Sales Up But Prices May Get Doh-ier!

H&M's Gettin' Jiggy With It (Kinda)

Alright dudes and dudettes Bart Simpson here reporting live from the trenches of… uh… my treehouse! Turns out H&M that place where Mom drags me for new threads (ugh the horror!) says sales are up 3% in June. That's like a whole Krusty Burger more than last month! They're blaming a slow start to the year like when I try to do my homework. Cowabunga!

Pricey Pants? Ay Caramba!

But here's the bad news man. These guys are talking about raising prices! Turns out some grown up stuff about "tariffs" and "economic uncertainty" is making everything more expensive. Like when Milhouse tries to buy that Radioactive Man comic. "Particularly price sensitive," they're calling us shoppers. Yeah well I'm particularly sensitive about getting detention but that doesn't stop me!

The US of A…y Caramba!

The USA's a big deal for these H&M types. And they're sweating about what these tariffs are gonna do when the 90 day pause is over. The CEO guy Daniel Erver is all like "We are monitoring developments." Well I'm monitoring when the next Sideshow Bob episode is on but nobody cares about that!

Money Troubles: Not Enough Dough!

Turns out they made less money than they wanted to. Sales were down ish. Something about a "strong dollar" and expensive boats (freight costs apparently not pirate ships sadly). They also said "negative external factors" increased the cost of purchasing just like when I have to buy Lisa a birthday present.

Store Closings? Aw Nuts!

They're closing 200 stores! Mostly in places that already have 'em like Springfield. But they're opening 80 new ones in places that need 'em. Like… uh… Shelbyville! They also closed more stores than they opened last year. And they got some competition from cheaper stores like that Shein place all the kids are talking about! I'd rather shop at the Kwik E Mart.

The Moral of the Story?

So what's the takeaway man? H&M's doing okay ish but they might make us pay more for our duds. Watch out for price hikes and if you have to shop there make sure you buy something cool! Don't have a cow man! Bart out!