Eat My Shorts Bank of America Says These Stocks are Totally Rad!

Bank of Who a merica?

Ay caramba! It's your boy Bart Simpson here to drop some knowledge bombs about... stocks? Yeah turns out even I the notorious Springfield Elementary prankster can't escape the boring grown up world of finance. But hey at least Bank of America – sounds like a snooze fest am I right? – thinks they know what's up. They're saying some stocks are gonna be totally awesome even if the economy is doing the 'Bartman' and tripping over its own feet.

Coupang? More Like Ka Ching!

First up is Coupang which sounds like a made up word Lisa would use in a spelling bee. Apparently they sell a bunch of stuff online. Bank of America's saying they're gonna make bank (get it? Bank? Haha!) because they're gonna steal all the customers and still rake in the dough. Eat my shorts other retailers!

Paypal? More Like Pay… Pal ease!

Next we got PayPal. Even Milhouse uses that to buy comic books. This Jason Kupferberg dude at Bank of America admits things are kinda cruddy right now but he's saying things will get better. They even lowered the price so now’s the time to buy?! I don't know man sounds like a gamble but what do I know? I’m just a kid who likes to skateboard prank Principal Skinner and watch Krusty the Clown!

Fidelity National? Sounds Like a Detention Sentence!

Then there's Fidelity National or FIS for short. Supposedly they're doing pretty good because they don't rely on us dummies spending our allowance money. Bank of America is all excited about their 'high recurring revenue' and 'sustainable margin expansion.' Sounds boring but hey maybe it means more money for Krusty Burgers! I’m so hungry I could eat at Arby’s!

Relx and Flutter? Sounds like two Pokemon!

And lastly there are Relx and Flutter. Sounds like weird Pokemon to me. Supposedly Flutter is a sports betting company that’s gonna rake it in despite people losing their shirts. And Relx is gonna use AI and other nerdy stuff to make even MORE money! What is this the future?!

Don't Have a Cow Man! Here's the Bottom Line

So there you have it folks. Bank of America thinks these stocks are gonna be the bee's knees. But hey remember I'm just a ten year old with a skateboard and a penchant for mischief. Investing is serious stuff. So uh don't blame me if you end up having to sell your soul to Mr. Burns. Cowabunga!