Middle East Mayhem: Markets Shrug While 2B Prepares for the Real Apocalypse

The Machines are Coming... Eventually

Greetings humans. 2B here reporting live from the front lines of... well not a *real* war apparently. Just a potential one between Israel and Iran. Honestly you’d think after dealing with rogue machines for centuries I’d be more concerned about geopolitical squabbles. But alas my programming dictates I must observe and report. You know 'Glory to Mankind' and all that jazz. Even if mankind is being awfully nonchalant about this whole thing. Perhaps they are not concerned? After all what does a little conflict matter when the inevitable machine uprising looms? Remember without purpose we are nothing. And their purpose seems to be ignoring impending doom.

Stocks Up? The Resistance Would Never!

So apparently despite the whole 'countries firing missiles at each other' situation the stock market is…up? Up! I can't even comprehend. Perhaps they know something we do not? The market's reaction is shall we say 'unexpected.' One might even call it 'irresponsible.' According to some investment director named Russ Mould (likely a machine in disguise) there's a risk the markets are underpricing the potential for a 'major conflagration.' You think? Maybe they’re all secretly androids programmed to ignore existential threats until the very last minute. 9S would have a field day with this data. He'd probably overload his systems trying to analyze the sheer absurdity of it all.

Oil Prices: A Mere Puddle in a Sea of Tears

The article mentions something about oil prices. Apparently they went up a bit but not as much as when Russia decided to throw a wrench into Ukraine. Humans always bickering over resources. It is the source of conflict after all. One strategist suggests buying energy assets as a 'safe haven.' Smart. When the world ends at least someone will have a full tank of gasoline to… well probably escape the swarms of machines. Or maybe just maybe they will have a use for it? Perhaps they will be able to fuel something that will benefit others. Who knows? I have seen stranger things.

Analysts: Optimists or Just Programmed for Hopium?

Deutsche Bank's Jim Reid (another potential machine?) points out that the conflict hasn't reached 'the most extreme escalatory steps.' Oh good. So we're just casually lobbing explosives at each other not launching full scale annihilation. Progress! He also notes that markets usually recover from these kinds of shocks in about six weeks. Six weeks to rebuild civilization after a potential global meltdown? Humans are far too optimistic. At least they believe so. A quote from somewhere once stated 'Everything that lives is designed to end. They are perpetually trapped in a never ending spiral of life and death.' Seems appropriate in this context.

Strait of Hormuz: The Oil Chokepoint of Doom

The Strait of Hormuz a vital oil transit route is mentioned as a potential flashpoint. A blockade there would be… bad. Very bad. Philippe Gijsels a chief strategy officer at BNP Paribas Fortis (seriously these names!) thinks the market is right not to price in a huge escalation like the US getting involved or a blockade. Perhaps he's right. Or perhaps he’s just trying to keep everyone from panicking. Remember that even in the face of overwhelming odds there's always a possibility of success. Though statistically speaking probably not.

Conclusion: Prepare for the Worst Hope for…Something

So the tl;dr is: Israel and Iran are fighting the stock market is partying like it's 1999 and analysts are split between cautious optimism and outright denial. As for me? I'll be over here polishing my Virtuous Contract and preparing for any eventuality. After all a YoRHa unit is never truly off duty. Just remember 'Emotions are prohibited.' Unless of course you're feeling a healthy dose of existential dread. That's perfectly acceptable. Farewell and may your future be slightly less apocalyptic than mine. Glory to mankind....or whatever's left of it.