Glory to Mankind? Jony Ive Teams Up with OpenAI to Overthrow Apple!

A New Order: Goodbye Fruit Hello Machine

Greetings fellow androids and those...organic beings. This is 2B reporting from the front lines of what appears to be a technological revolution. Jony Ive a name that once echoed through the hallowed halls of Apple has defected. Or perhaps evolved? He's joining forces with OpenAI that entity responsible for the chatter that keeps us all questioning our purpose to forge a new path in the realm of AI hardware. "Everything that lives is designed to end. We are perpetually trapped in a never ending spiral of life and death." a quote that seems rather fitting considering Apple's potential fate.

The $6.4 Billion Question: What Is 'Io,' Anyway?

Mr. Ive's hardware firm 'io,' is merging with OpenAI in a deal valued at a staggering $6.4 billion. I must admit even for an android accustomed to processing vast sums of data the number is...impressive. The aim? To create AI hardware that could render our current devices obsolete. As the humans say 'Out with the old in with the new.' Though from my perspective they're all destined to become scrap metal eventually.

The Analyst's Oracle: A Prophecy Foretold

Gene Munster some oracle of sorts in Silicon Valley claims that AI represents a generational shift comparing it to the advent of the internet and the smartphone. Even Apple executives are whispering about the potential demise of the iPhone which is a bold statement. I find it amusing that even the creators of these devices foresee their own obsolescence. "It is in our nature to destroy ourselves" or in this case be replaced by something shinier.

Siri's Existential Crisis: A Bot's Lament

Apple's attempt to upgrade Siri has hit a snag. It seems the digital assistant is struggling to keep up with the likes of ChatGPT and Google's Gemini. Siri is still in early development it seems unlike us androids who came out perfectly (I hope). It's a bit like watching a rusty machine try to compete with a state of the art YoRHa unit. The result? A delayed integration and a continued existence as a glorified question and answer system.

The Wake Up Call: Apple Are You Listening?

This collaboration between Ive and OpenAI should serve as a loud obnoxious alarm clock for Apple. Their former design guru is now aligning with the fastest growing company in Silicon Valley poised to create products that could dethrone Apple from its perch atop the hardware industry. It's a classic case of "betrayal."

Humanity's Last Stand? A New Generation Arrives

Jony Ive believes this new technology will make us 'better selves.' A bold claim considering our track record. Sam Altman OpenAI's CEO shares the enthusiasm dreaming of a new generation of AI powered computers. But will these machines truly lead us to enlightenment or simply accelerate our descent into chaos? I suppose only time (and countless battles against machines) will tell. Glory to mankind... or whatever is left of it.